Three for Three

A year ago I began taking the kids on solo trips, leaving the rest at home with Jason.

"I've got this!" he has said each time.

(Shhh! You can't say that out loud!)

I think he would agree out of all the times today was actually the easiest, least destructive, as I was only really gone a day. Two major appliances weren't broken, nor was every surface Sharpied (on two separate occasions 5 days apart) during conference calls, nor did her brother suffer a violent, peanut-allergy vomit attack in the back row of the middle school bleachers during a packed Christmas concert (and as he ran with the vomiting child across the gym floor slipped and fell in said vomit with a WHOMP!)

Trip number four takes off before the end of the month.

I love you for still letting me leave, Jason. You got this, daddy.

Callum on Math

Always finding a way to make his school work fancy.

Callum & Brooke, BFFs

It was a drippy, foggy morning, reminiscent of my entire childhood.

C: "Surely you do not expect us to ride bikes to school in this weather."
Uh, have we met? Yeah, I do.

B's mom: "Brookie saw you guys riding this morning and said, 'Surely Callum's mom does not expect him to ride his bike to school in this weather!' I tried to explain to her that some people like that."

Callum & the Tooth Fairy

C: "The tooth fairy didn't take my tooth last night."
H: "Awww...crap. Kiddo, I'm sorry... Here's $5. (x5 the going rate of $1, because guilt will do that.) So, you're a big boy now, and, well, honey, the tooth fairy isn't actually real. It's just parents, and we screwed up last night."
(Long pondering pause.)
C: "No, I think she got lost."
And now I feel even worse.

Callum Compliments

Awesome art exhibit, ten individual installations.
Callum, to the curator upon leaving, "You don't have a lot to do here."
And yet it kept him entertained for HOURS.

Little Bits O'Callum, Fall Break Style

Principal: "I get the biggest kick out of Callum! He just walked by and thanked me for 96 hours off of school!"

It Just Sounds Better the Way Callum Says It

Intense eye contact, super serious demeanor: "We are about to play a game that causes costumes."

Exits, little sister silently trailing along behind him.

Callum's First Big Fat Gay Wedding

C: "Will there be dancing?"
H: "Oh, yes!"
C: "What kind of dancing?"
H: "Any kind you want."
C: "Do we all have to do the same kind of dance at the same time?"
H: "Occasionally, but most of the time it's freeform."
C: "Can I...do...my cat moves?"
H: "Yes, you absolutely should bring your cat moves."

And he did, and it was PAWESOME. (And especially well-received at a flamboyantly gay wedding.)

Callum on LA

C: "That's where the Hollywood sign is, right?"
H: "Yup!"
C: "Are you going to make us hike to it? Because I don't want to."

(Nary a mention of Disney, or that famous mouse...)
(Why didn't I think of that? We should TOTALLY hike to the Hollywood sign!)

Callum on How to Warm Up the Parent-Teacher Conference Crowd

"I look extra handsome today because I am wearing a tie."

We're Gonna Need More Pizza

Callum to roofers: Hi guys! We brought pizza!

(Not for roofers, for us, for dinner.)

Tiny Teeth, Big Dreams

"I got the BIGGEST bag so the tooth fairy can fill it with lots of money!"

Callum and the Schedule

Me: You start I Love Literacy again today.

Callum: You mean I have Cooking after school today.

Me: No, Cooking is on Thursdays. Today is Tuesday, and on Tuesdays you go to I Love Literacy.

Callum: I will go to Cooking instead.

Me: No.

Callum: Then I will go to Spanish.

Me: No.

(What he will actually do is go to the office and pretend he doesn't know where he's supposed to be in hopes of a better answer.)

Counting Callum

Callum, still our number-lover, decided to write out all the numbers from 1 to 1000.

Skeletons in Love

"This is the skeleton I made in Spanish. It is in love with Shayleigh's skeleton."

Callum on Black People

Dear Random Really Dark-skinned Strangers in the Park,

It's not what you think.

Loudly, "I DON'T HAVE ANY BLACK FRIENDS!" Then whispering, "Except Shayleigh. I'm going to marry her."

"Wow, chocolate eggs!"

Young Love and Spiderwebs

"Shayleigh and me are playing spiderweb! She is the spider, and I am her fly."

Callum on Living With Assholes Who Touch His Stuff

Have a happy day.

Callum on What the Actual Fuck

Callum, while opening junk mail, finds a prepaid return envelope.

So disgusted, flipping it over to check the backside, "ANOTHER ONE?! Mom, these people put an envelope inside of another envelope."

Shakes head, puts mail down, walks off.