Thursday, April 09, 2009

Q & A with Heidi II

What about your mom's health?

There are signs. I see them, my dad sees them too. I still ask myself if it's just the stress of it all. Maybe it's stress. People under extreme stress are not themselves. Is it stress? Or is it tumors? It could be stress, right? But even my stupid heart know that stress doesn't make you go from wide awake to SNAP! bent in half at the waist, nose at your knees, in a mini coma. I have made myself sick and crazy, and the only conclusion I have been able to draw is that it's inevitable. Impressive, eh? I'm not a doctor, I don't know when, but things are not getting better and they are not even staying the same. They are worse.

I'd like to say that thankfully she has no idea, but I think she does.

Today, Thursday, she will take her last dose of chemo round three. The scan taken after radiation and the first chemo round showed two new spots. Officially they aren't cancer until you have them biopsied, but you know, patient with aggressive brain cancer is sporting two shiny somethings. Yeah, that. Turns out my mom is allergic to the chemo drug of choice (Tem.odar) and breaks out in a horrible, itchy as hell rash that persists for weeks, the likes of which even her doctors (*top* experts in the field of this very specific type of tumor at UCSF) have never seen. The only other option she's been presented with to date is the gamma knife, which is a big hell no nuh uh not even gonna consider it. The drug they've been giving her (Hydro.xyzine? or is that something I've taken?) to combat the rash is not cutting it. Standard chemo protocol would be 12 months/rounds and then reevaluate IF you make it that long. Before she even took the first dose there was a lot of I'll give it three months and then I think I'll be done talk.

My mom's goal was to make it to Olive's first birthday, April 16th, 2009. One week from today.


Niffer said...

Oh man. What is it about the last sentences in a sad post that always get me? Ugh. Big hug. That's all I have for you.

Doe said...

Hydrox.yzine... (is that to foil the internet searchers?) is just another Histamine blocker, like rani.tidine... It's like taking a king size benedryl and zyrtec and claritin... so, your mom is on allergy meds, too.

It has to be the toughest thing watching her personality change so much during her battle. I'm sure it sometimes makes you as f*cking angry as she is right now.

Just here and listening... I heard a new knock knock joke:

Friend: Knock Knock
Cop: Who's there?
Friend: Courtney
Cop: Courtney who?
Friend: Courtney bad guys today?

Jules said...

Thinking of ya.

Hang in there.

Heidi said...

Thanks everyone.

Doe, I am so glad you came over! I totally never thought of it that way and damn if I can't stop laughing! (You know I'm totally going to pass on that knock knock too.)

Trish said...

I'm sorry, babe.
Brain cancer has claimed 2 people in my life recently. It's ugly and awful.

And to watch your mom suffer the effects... cruel.

I'm so sorry..