Thursday, June 30, 2016

New Mexican(s) in a Strange Land, Part 2

Once upon a 2013 in California the Cracker renamed Santa Cruz "Santa Cruces" after our very own Las Cruces.

Once upon a 2016 in California Callum renamed San Diego "Sandia Egg-o" after our very own Sandia Mountains. He knows nothing the waffles.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Olive on Ice Cream

Once a year during our California trip we overindulge at Fenton's, ordering a giant mountain of ice cream. (Honestly because 4-5 scoops on a single plate is like $10 vs. $4/each separately, and this Momma is cheap.) Everyone who is old enough to express an opinion picks one scoop if they'd like, this year bringing us to 4 scoops because Jason and I share.

More years than not the whole experience has sent Olive over the edge because her ice cream touches some one else's ice cream, or the Cracker looks at her funny, or whatever. Sorry, kid, but if you can look past that there's ice cream to be had.

Older and wiser, 2016 was going well, until she ate too much. The scoops are HUGE. After two hours of crying she barfed in a parking lot an hour before dinner.

We were not close to base, and already had reservations to sit in a trolley at an Old Spaghetti Factory that Callum was really excited about. And really, she was 100% fine now. We went.

Olive was so fine, it turns out, that she ate the ice cream that comes at the end of a Spaghetti Factory meal. Me = Traumatized. Her = What? Why?

Lesson not learned. I love it when other parents talk about how well consequences work as a one-size fits all parenting strategy. Yup, now meet Olive.

New nightmare: Olive and alcohol.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

So Cal Roadtripping Restroom Adventures

We are stuck in nasty LA traffic, and somekid needs to go potty.

Waiting in line for the women's restroom at Jack in the Box, a 50-something African-American lady in head-to-toe red, white, blue, and Trump starts talking to me:
"I pay my taxes, so I told them to go clean those nasty bathrooms! I am a taxpayer, dammit! I pay my taxes and I want my clean bathroom! I can't believe they think they can get away with that! Can you believe it? You look like a taxpayer! Is a dirty bathroom acceptable to you! No, ma'am! That's our hard-earned money! We're taxpayers! You feel me, right? We're taxpayers!"

I can't even.

Nice Trump shirt, hat, and button, ma'am.


Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Callum Sings London Bridges

"All-of-the-bridges are falling down!"

Friday, June 17, 2016

Callum on Boobs

Wtf is he singing?

"Some are big, all are boobs.
They are circles, watch them move!
See them all!"

(Blame goes to Graeme on this one. No more Weird Al for you people!)

Eating Out With Super Hero Callum

All the hostesses: "So you need 3 adult menus and 3 kid's menus?"
Callum: "Um, no. We need 3 adult menus, 2 kid's menus, and one sluper he-o menu."

Friday, June 10, 2016

Callum on Our Super Hero Family

He is Fast Man!
Graeme is Slow Man!
Mommy is Woman Man! (Um, remember Wonder Woman? You do! But this is totally different? Okaaaay...)

Monday, June 06, 2016

G the God

From the third row, headphones in, listening to his mp3 player...

G: If I was a God I would be the God of Books, or Aimesh people.
H: Amish?
G: Yeah.
H: Why's that?
G: Our family's total and utter lack of technology.

It must be Rumspringa.

(We love it when he mispronounces things he's learned from books. Yesterday it was Baja California.)

Friday, June 03, 2016

Why He Loves Me

Heidi: "Wait, this intro is too long. Is this 'Adagio for Strings' Adagio for Strings? Because I was hoping for Puff Daddy and the Family."

(Yes, I have both on the same Spotify playlist.)

AfS is also something Jason plays on the piano often. I think from now on I will insist he add the P. Diddy parts.