Thursday, July 26, 2007

Conversations with the Cracker

In the backyard, next to a rapidly dying pumpkin vine:

"What kind of bugs are dose?"
"I don't know, but we're going to catch one and take it to the garden center so they can tell us."
"Are they stink bugs? Baa haa haa! Stink bugs are the funniest bugs!"
"No they're not stink bugs. Stand back! They're giving me the heebeegeebees."
"Is that the Spanish word for hiccups?"
(Racking my brain.) "No, I think...uh...hipo is?"
"You don't seem so sure."
"I'm not."
"Because I'm getting old."
"And forgetitful?"

On our way to the garden center, pointing out a trailer hauling something:

"Wow! I've never seen a machine like that before. What is it?"
"Uhh...uhh...I have no idea. (And it's hard to stump me these days when it comes to vehicles.) It looks a little bit like a miniature Zamboni."
"That weminds me...can we go ice fishing later today?"
"Ice fishing?"
"Sure. All you need is a saw, and some chairs, and a fishing pole, and mittens, and snacks..."

At the garden center:

"Let's see what you have."
"Is it a stink bug? Is it a stink bug?"
"Actually, it is! Amazing! You have a Horticulturist on your hands!"
"I told you so Mommy."

(No, it was because we saw stink bugs mentioned in some random book last week, probably Dr. Seuss, and he's been obsessed ever since.)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Five shopping months til Christmas

...and we're being reminded daily of what he wants from Santa.

Oh God.

The list so far:

A red wheelbarrow with blue wheels.
(Uhh...has anyone seen this particular color combo?)

A toy combine with crawler tracks, John Deere or Caterpillar brand.

Another toy motor grader, but this time smaller so as to match the scale of his other construction and farm vehicles.

A Caterpillar movie.
(But maybe I can get away with this if it's still on the list at Christmastime)

A John Deere Gator or Buck with dumper, child sized for his driving pleasure.
(My parents and I actually heavily researched this idea last year, but he was already way too tall for the less expensive 2-4 year old one.)
(And it was a very poorly made piece of crap.)
(And I prefer ride-ons where they have to work for it, not just run off batteries.)

An "actual" (his word for NOT A TOY) excavator with crawler tracks, also John Deere or Caterpillar brand.
(So he can help us finish the back yard.)

A pink dump truck for Baby Elephant, because she's a girl.
(BE has replaced Not Bob as best bed friend.)

A John Deere Gator for J, so he'll help Mommy in the yard.
(No comment.)

At least he's finally stopped asking for a dog.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Question: What are you doing with with your shoe in your mouth?

Answer: We're playing dogs.

NEW! Yesterday's Random Parenting Related Cleaning Challenge

Blood. Lots of blood.

It had been quiet for two hours. We both thought he was napping.

What he was actually doing was taking off a lampshade, unscrewing the light blub, breaking it, and playing with the broken glass.

We are fantastic parents.

J freaked. I didn't. J was so bummed out by my reaction that he insisted we take pictures so we could freak out my mother.

I am so seasoned. Bring it on.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Yesterday's Random Parenting Related Cleaning Challenge

The Cracker snuck some bright aqua blue streamers into his bed and then peed on them.

He has white sheets.

So far I have tried: Biz. Spray 'n Wash. Clorox Bleach Pen...twice. Straight bleach.

Two of our three cats gacked up some of the same streamers. Luckily, I caught it right away and the carpet was saved.

I think I give up.

(Which will leave me with some time to try, again, to get more than a half dozen little purple spots of jelly bean drool out of the carpet without cutting.)


"Nana? Can I call you back?"

(Handy Manny was on.)

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pumpkin Update 2007

In case you missed it, last year I made a complete ass of myself.

The facts so far:
1. They are not honeydew. Of this I am certain.
2. Last winter I placed a pumpkin to rot in this exact location.


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

My Little Man

"Hey Mommy? While you were wabering the gahden I made a pee and a poop. And I'm not going to use my bafhwoom anymore. I'm going to use yours, because it's weally closer to the TV."

Monday, July 09, 2007

Soccer, Week 5

Coach: Okay Tigers, we're going to try playing a game today.
Cracker: Oh goodie! What kind of game?