Friday, December 25, 2015

Christmas Memories with Callum

Callum, being a big boy, peed himself but took care of business, telling no one.

Olive found him in their bathroom, emptying out the linen closet of hand towels one by one, wiping pee off his legs and replacing the towels still perfectly folded.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for a three bathroom house.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Violet vs the Stocking

She *almost* fits inside.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Callum on Birthdays

"Is it my birthday today?"
"No kiddo, it's still a long time off."
"How long?"
"Well, first we will have Thanksgiving, then Pappy's birthday, then Mommy's birthday, and Christmas, and Daddy's birthday, and Grandma's birthday, and Graeme's birthday, and Olive's birthday, and then your birthday in May."
"That's okay, we will go backwards."

Friday, November 13, 2015

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Whatcha reading, Olive?

"Plants vs Zombies: Official Guide to Protecting Your Brains"

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Violet vs the Pumpkin

Aka Little Miss Pumpkin Muffin Wiggle Worm

Friday, October 09, 2015

Callum's Nose

Guitar friend of Jason's to Callum, who had food stuck to his nose: "Hey man, I like your nose."

"Thanks! It's a triangle one."

Monday, September 21, 2015

Introducing Violet

One day after our 18th wedding anniversary, 18 years after we started trying to build our family, our family is complete!

Miss Violet Edith
September 21, 2015 @ 4:13pm
6 pounds, 6 ounces, 19 inches long.

Violet, not quite an anagram of Olive, and Edith after Heidi's grandmother.

(The fact that they came boy-girl-boy-girl makes Jason feel like quite the overachiever.)

Friday, September 11, 2015

Callum on Priorities

First self driven destination in his new wheelchair, hopped up on two narcotics? Fridge, for a yogurt raid.

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Don't Break a Leg, Now with Actual Meaning

Even for a low registration sensory seeker breaking a leg fucking hurts. The smile is courtesy of morphine.

It's hard to make out, but yes, Callum broke his leg while wearing a Superman shirt with detachable cape. Oh, the irony.

Friday, September 04, 2015

Jason on the Big V

V is for vasectomy.

Despite constant nagging for the last nine months, someone hasn't made any inquiries about the procedure that's supposed to happen before the end of the year, and someone's wife refuses to call and schedule it for him, because INAPPROPRIATE.

"I just want to be like a dog in the front seat of the car with his head out the window on the way to the vet. 'Oh boy! Oh boy! Where are we going?'"

And then Tone Loc's Wild Thing Came on the Radio

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

All About Callum

I am 4 years old.
My favorite color is all the colors.
I love blankies.
A word that describes me is pink.
One thing I don't like is poop.
I want to be Mom when I grow up.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

So In Love

Olive:  Can I give Violet a kiss?
Mom:  Yes!
Callum:  Can I poke her wif a spoon?
Mom:  No.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Should Callum Share His Ice Cream?

Callum and I were out having a special treat.  At first he was very quiet, and then I noticed him dividing his little scoop into three sections

"This is for Olwif, and this is for Gam!"

Way to go, Elephant & Piggie!  Mo Willems, we could really use "Should I Share My Play Kitchen and Related Accessories?" if you could possibly find the time.

Callum for the Win

He understands how to play, but still usually loses.  Time for a new strategy!

"You play Tic-tac-toe wif me?"
"Okay!  I go first!"  As always, he takes the middle square.  "Your turn!"
I mark an X on the top right.
"I am X."  Makes an X over mine with his pen, claiming it as his own.  "Now it's my turn!"  Makes another X.

Yay cheating!

Monday, August 10, 2015

I Am in an Elephant and Piggie Book

I need white papah.
You can go get white paper.
I can't.
Why can't you?
Because I can't weach.
You can use a stool.
I can use a stool!
You can use a stool.
I will use a stool!
I will be right back!
Okay!  Just don't let Mr. Wuffles out.
Okay!  I will be right back!
I will be right back!
You will be right back!
I will be right back!
I will be right back!

And it just kept going, and going, and going.

Saturday, August 08, 2015

Callum's Terms of Endearment II

"You is a poopy asshole!"
"Callum James!"
"I not say dat."
"What did you say?"
"I uhhh...uhhh...umm...uhhh....I call her asiago!"

(Edited to add: Gouda is still "apple cheese.")

Thursday, August 06, 2015

Olive Makes a Reading Goal

To increase her third row reading motion sickness stamina.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Callum's Terms of Endearment

You know things are going well when you are called a cookie, complete with eyelash batting, head tilt, and special smile.

"I go wif you, Cookie Mommy?"
Or my favorite, "Hello my cookies!"

The above is also used when he wants something and thinks the way to get it is to be irresistibly charming.

The exact opposite of a cookie, reserved for DEFCON 1 hysteria, is a "Poopy asshole."  I have never been one, but his siblings sure have.  

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Callum on Meeting Maya

"Is dis my baby sister Viowet?"

Friday, July 17, 2015

Callum on TV at Gymboree

"Where's the remote?"

When Opposites Attract

Mr:  What do you want to watch?
Mrs:  I don't know.   I'm going to go get into something more comfortable first.
Mr:  And I am going to get uncomfortable!
Mrs:  ?
Mr:  Ice cream!
Mrs:  Oh.  I was going to ask if you want to share an apple.

Silence, and then we both burst out giggling.

Thursday, July 09, 2015

Olive's Rules

We knew she had a dark side, but this is DARK.

Friday, July 03, 2015

Ickey Nouse

Callum, May 2015

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Callum on Family


(We interrupted him before he could get to D-a-d.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

R(o)ny G Biv?


Also, "Tan I haf nose juice?" and "You oten my nose?"

This has been going on for months now and I hope it never stops.

Another long time favorite we are not in a rush for him to outgrow: "Tan you oten my o-dirt peas?"  It's yogurt, his favorite food.

Monday, May 11, 2015

To Callum on his Fourth

I love you Callum! Have a nice birthday! Ow and try not to be a pain in the butt.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Callum On Growing Up

Callum would like to fly, so when grows up he's going to be a blackbird, living in a tree outside Target. He is not going to eat bugs, just popcorn.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Mother of the Year

Today, in Callum news, this happened:

(My first thought? Look at that. He's doing the right handed thing again.)

It washed off just enough to make it look like a blotchy, unidentifiable rash. Which, super awesome timing, because I called him out sick today because Olive was already home sick, and half day Wednesday schedule means I spend 40 minutes of driving + drop-off/pick-up for 75 minutes of instructional time, which is bullshit when I too am sick.

Then, in 6th grade news, I learned that if arranged with great care one can hide A LOT of homework under a 3'x5' rug and pad before things get lumpy. Well played, G.

I regret I was too wft in the moment to take a picture of his lovely work. I have included a sample page of said undone homework for scale because the ginormous front door throws it off.

Finally, I discovered that Callum had also found time today to give our kitten Mr. Wuffles a bit of a haircut with safety scissors. No picture, sadly, as it was just chunks of length off his left hind quarters and only visible in person. Here is the delightful Mr. Wuffles on a better day:

(His ear was clipped by a rescue to show he'd been fixed before going back outside with his stray mother. NOT CALLUM!)

(We sure know how to look bad though, don't we?)

Teaching Number Three to Ski

We had planned to copy all the other parents and harness him with rope, but the resort had run out of adult rentals. So when his 6 year old sister was done we stuck her far too big equipment on his 3 year old self and low-teched it.

It was awesome! He's obviously terrified, right, with the yelling and waving "Hi!"

Truthfully it is exactly how we (and by that I mean Jason) taught number two Olive to ski, too. Only difference was the pushing was all her idea. While Callum wanted to try skiing, it was pretty obvious it was originally more about the ride up.

(Now if I can just convince Olive to snowboard more. Because she not only rocked it the one time she tried it, but omg adorable. My only hope is that she loves her Sorrels so much she wears them with her sundresses.)

Out of the Mouth and Pen of Olive

All kids say and do things that when taken out of context make for some fun shit. It just seems like Olive says/does more than her fair share. These two are about a week apart.

Olive says...

"Yay it's closed! Now I can go have a drink."

Olive draws...

(Taken from Sandra Boynton's "Opposites")