LOOT BROUGHT BACK FROM THE HOMELAND
COPPER PIGGY MOLD
J's response: You're going to put a pig with nipples on the wall?
(HELLO?! It like totally matches our copper bottomed pans!)
Me, last holiday season, at Williams Sonoma: Do you have copper molds?*
Employee avec stick in ass: WE, don't sell, JELL-O products. Try WALMART.
(Well apparently, like, Sur La Table does, so I stick my tongue out at you nine months too late from the sanctuary of my own home. So there! And no link for you!)
*Which reminds me of the time that J decided to try to get me an anniversary gift. Out of complete desperation and lack of imagination (he'd tried nothing and was all out of ideas) he made his first stop Hallmark. Because, you know, Hallmark reminds him of getting laid, because every time he gets me a card, which is maybe once every 3 years, he does.
So the ladies took pity and gave him a handy dandy wallet thing stating that "pottery and copper" are the traditional 8th anniversary gifts. Score!
(Yeah, I had to look up what anniversary it was. Like I'd know.)
So J headed down to Williams Sonoma and asked for assistance locating something copper for his old lady. They showed him All-Clad, and not the copper bottomed stuff, the fully copper stuff.
"Yeah. Do you have something...umm...maybe that's not $300 dollars?"
"Did you know that the make pans that cost $300 dollars!? For like just a single little pan!?"
"Yeah. We sold that stuff when I worked at Crate & Barrel."
"Holy shit! Wait...holyshit! Our pans have copper looking stuff on the bottom too! Am I making grilled cheese on $300 pans? Is that why you get so mad when I burn one?"
"No, I get mad because you don't care AND because you leave it for me to try to scrub (for hours) back from the grave. (And then I end up having to toss it anyway.)
"Phew! I was sweating!"
(Really? Because I'm not. I was sweating when I was trying to save the darn thing, but now I'd say I'm more...umm...steaming?)
So what did I get for our 8th wedding anniversary?
"Will you give me head?"
Apparently J thinks that he gets credit for the idea even if he brings nothing home. (He tried and failed. What do you think he was going to do? Try again? No.)
"But he got you a card, right? He was AT Hallmark."
BACK TO THE LOOT...
TRUCKS, BUT NOT JUST ANY TRUCKS
Nana, amazing woman that she is, has fully embraced and excelled at shopping for boy toys. She rocks.
This semi comes complete with forklift (which stores at the rear...see the red one on the back of the blue truck? AND (wait for it...) a little teeny tiny little pallet. Even I want to play with it.
HIDE ME FROM THE PLAYMOBIL
Okay, so this isn't what he got. This was 50 bucks, and I was the one spending. (Nana wasn't around.) What he got was a green recycle bin (tee hee hee...a little one just like our stinky big one, with WHEELS!...aww) that included a refuse worker, a cat, tiny (already lost) fish carcass, a broom and a shovel for $3.99.
The Cracker is IN LOVE. The recycle bin is "so sweet!"
And now for the pièce de résistance:
MOMMA'S GOT A BRAND NEW PURSE
Cheap AND imported!
(This totally helps the fact that my once unique Crocs are now mainstream.)
(They also had hot pink.)
Response from one day (today) on the town has been very positive, though I got tired of being approached after a while because I had a lot of errands and no time for Starbucks. And then there was a guy restocking at Walmart who said "Hahaha...does it spill out money or just water? BAHAHAHAHA! (I am the funniest motherfucker ever!!!)" The coworker he was trying to impress was not amused.
OKAY, SO HERE'S WHAT I DIDN'T GET, AND IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE PURSE I'D BE REALLY REALLY SAD
DANSKO PROFESSIONAL IN DALMATION
But alas, sigh, they are discontinued and I can't find them anywhere online new. (A pair just popped up on Ebay today, but they look much more yellow and the person who is selling them said they were too big, so I fear the size might be off on that particular pair.) I originally found them in this great clog shop I love that's been there forever and all they had left was a 36 and a 40. I'm 99.9% sure I need a 39, but the 40s were way too big.
These shoes? OMG how I yearn for these shoes. I am devastated that I didn't find them earlier. I have been looking for good looking closed back cow print clogs for years (no kidding...I don't joke about fugly shoes) and these weren't cow, but they were perfect. Comfy, black and white animal print, but not zebra.
I didn't walk away from the clog shop empty handed. I did pay way too much (even for full price) for an exact duplicate of my all time favorite Birki's that were discontinued 4 years ago that broke a few months back. I'd show them to you, but then you'd see that one of my all time favorite most worn pair of shoes is totally bland color wise, and you'd no longer respect me.
My mom also ordered me a new pair of Keen Seattles in Olive from REI, because both my red and black ones are so stinkydisgustingnasty from over wear that I can't wear them anymore unless I know for sure that no one will ever make me take off my shoes and I can shower immediately upon taking them off.
As much as I love shoes, I don't normally get more than a couple of pairs a year so this was pretty big for me, or even this much other good loot because I am a cheap bastard. (Well, except for the shoes.) So I'll live.