Monday, February 25, 2008

Bring on the Drama, Part 1

I give up.

So the morning after finding out I had failed the 1 hour glucose it was my day to work at the Co-op. It was also our day to bring snack. And in case you don't already know, when you're 4 bringing your Mom/Dad to preschool and snack on the same day is like the biggest friggin deal ever. (Because you get to turn off the lights and tell everyone it's time to clean up, pick a song at story time, and help the teachers open the door for recess.) Now school most days for the Cracker is only 2.5 hours, so being an hour late sucks because we already live 25 minutes away. And if you are one of the parents working that day you just make sure not to be late. Easy. Except, I get the car loaded up, drive 3 feet, and can tell something is not right. Not a little flat or huh well that's flat, but a fuck that rat bastard is sitting on the rim and ain't nobody going nowhere flat. Luckily for me and not so much for him, it was the one day that J had decided to go in late so he could catch up on some much needed sleep. So we woke his ass up, poor guy, rushed him as best we could, me with the "OMG FUCK! I'm working today!" and the Cracker with the "OMG my friends will all die of starvation if I don't bring snack!" and carpooled in. Now, normally I would have just at least attempted to change the damn tire, but you know, 7.5 mos pregnant and all, on a vehicle that I've owned for more than 4 years but never had to change a tire on, and how the hell do you get the spare out when it's up and under on the outside (SUV) which must require some tool and where the hell is the owner's manual... Yeah, no. So we made it, late, but everyone survived and snack was served.

Oh, and because what are the odds... I had not had a flat since like 2001, but after buying this set of tires in December 2006 I had two slow leaks, a nail and a screw, in the first 3 months. Interestingly, no nails/screws while the houses all around us were under construction, but two years after we are now up to three in a year. Oh, and this is the good part: this new nail was on one of the tires that had already been patched and right next to said patch, and they cannot patch next to a patch, so tire was a total loss at like 12K on a 75K rated tire. That takes mad driving skills yo, let me tell you. But because it was Costco, and I heart Costco (though they royally pissed me off the other day...vent later) I only had to pay $60 for a new $200+ tire. Hooray for the my wife aims for nails road hazard warranty.

Next day I go for my 3 hour glucose. The plan was for J to go to work ahead of time (lab is only a mile away from his office) and I bring the Cracker in and get started, J comes and gets him from the lab and takes him to school, and then if all is just perfectly timed I can pick him up. (School = 2.5hrs and is a good 10-15 minutes from the lab.) Except J is stressed, and even though I have been nagging him double and triple checking that he can do it, he forgets that morning and he can't. Fine, really. I just tell the lab that sorry, I have to drive my kid up to school after we get underway, I'll be back within the hour no problem. They say fine...they couldn't care less. I've checked in and they know why I'm there: 4 perfectly timed blood tests, the drink, and 3 hours. They tell me it will be a few minutes while they get things prepped. Except they can't stop flirting with each other long enough to start the process, and then suddenly it's busy. The Cracker and I are seated in the same long hall as the overflow from the walk-in clinic, and I the ever increasing Germaphobe (because I've already been sick enough once this pregnancy, thank you) am freaking out because everyone in New Mexico seems to currently have the flu: everyone at J's work, 1/2 the class is out at school, and it's headlining the local news. Co-mingling with urgent care and a little boy who must touch everything and then pick his nose is not my idea of fun. And I've been fasting for 14hours already. AN HOUR AND 20 MINUTES LATER they finally get me started. Wow, gee, thanks. All someone had to do to start the process was take a little vial of blood, then hand me a drink and start the timer, but flirting is way more important than doing your actual job. I end up rushing back to get him between timed tests and then have an hour to kill after finishing and before my midwife appointment in the same building. Oh, and I am suddenly shaky 15 minutes after the 4th blood draw. Fantastic sign, no?

As for taking my son with me to see the midwife... Can I just say right now how fun it is to have to pee in a cup with your almost 5 year old son watching and screaming DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING INCLUDING THAT WHICH SEEMS INNOCUOUS BUT MAY HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE LAST PERSON WHO HAD BAD AIM, BEFORE THEY WASHED THEIR HANDS. And the room is so tiny that if he isn't facing me he's licking the wall inadvertently. And what are those wipes for Mom? Why are you wiping before you pee? Why do they come in little packages? What's sterile? Why do they need to be sterile? Bugs?There might be bugs???

(Sometimes, just sometimes, it is nice to have a checkup by yourself without the 20 questions.)

Results were, of course, not in yet and hour after the fact. But there was glucose in my urine at that midwife appointment, and I had my nice solid 1 hour fail, not to mention shakes after being done, so yeah, no suspense there.

No comments: