The Cracker has a runny nose, which he likes to pick and rub and share. I am a reverse germaphobe. I don't want my kid infecting others. I'm totally insecure and I worry about what you'll think of me.
So he has this stupid runny nose cold, and OMG he's so whinny and overtired. Finally, we have to go out, because you know, holidays, gifts, stores being closed for a day...gah.
J, "Stop picking your nose!"
Me, "Stop touching things! And if you have to touch something use your sleeve!"
The Cracker walks up to a female manequin bust and pokes it right in the nipple like he's ringing a damn doorbell.
Him, "WHAAAAT? I USED MY SLEEVE!"