Notorious G

I was doing the Band Booster thing and the kid of the mom stationed with me would not stop asking her to approve 15 more minutes of screen time while we finished.

"It could be worse," I said.
"Oh yeah?" He and his buddies listened in.
"So my son saved everything he could for years. The only thing he bought was a smart phone and Ottorbox case. Christmas money, birthday money, pet sitting, and snow shoveling money... Anyway, after 4 years he finally bought his dream road bike this summer."
"And he crashed it!"
"Nope, worse. After he spent all his money on that bike he broke his smart phone and his mom wouldn't buy him a new one."
Chorus: "YOU'RE FLIP-PHONE GRAEME'S MOM!"
Indeed, I am.

March for Families

H: "We are not getting arrested. No one is getting arrested. OLIVE, you will not get arrested, do you hear me?"
O: "Yeah, yeah, sure, if you say so."
G: "It's cool, mom. I'm too cute to get arrested." (Then he laughed that teenager laugh he laughs when he thinks he's the funniest thing ever.)

Native

I'm trying to nail down a snack G can take with him to Costa Rica and will actually eat, since everything he took to DC last year came back uneaten.

"I just want bags of tortillas."

#NewMexicoTrue

Stocking Scrabble

Dear Target,

If you could you please try to have a wider variety of letters next time that would be great.

Thanks,
H & G

PS His mom made him do it.

That's So Anime

The Cracker intensely dislikes anime and manga. The fact that his peers find it sexy is traumatic.

Also "Ugh, that's so anime!" is Cyndi Lauper's Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

(He still loves hair bands.)

Growing Graeme

On December 6, 2016 Graeme was looking tall so we updated our growth wall chart. Two plus inches taller than mom and growing.

On January 27, 2017 grandpa, who sees him all the time said, "I swear he's grown recently!" To the wall! He had grown a full half inch since December 6th.

On February 11, 2017 Jason said, "Jesus shit, you're almost as tall as I am!" To the wall! He had grown a half inch more.

He is 13.

Graeme on 90s Technology

Watching Will and Grace over Jason's shoulder, "Omg, she has my phone!"

Then we all laughed, because she totally did.

Dumb phones rule.

I can narrow it down to two possible suspects

"OH! MY! GOD! SOMEONE UNROLLED THE TOILET PAPER, USED IT, AND ROLLED IT BACK UP!" --G

New Mexican(s) in a Strange Land, Part 2

Once upon a 2013 in California the Cracker renamed Santa Cruz "Santa Cruces" after our very own Las Cruces.

Once upon a 2016 in California Callum renamed San Diego "Sandia Egg-o" after our very own Sandia Mountains. He knows nothing the waffles.

G the God

From the third row, headphones in, listening to his mp3 player...

G: If I was a God I would be the God of Books, or Aimesh people.
H: Amish?
G: Yeah.
H: Why's that?
G: Our family's total and utter lack of technology.

It must be Rumspringa.

(We love it when he mispronounces things he's learned from books. Yesterday it was Baja California.)

Whatcha reading, G?

Math teacher: "The first three books I took away from him today were, you know, regular G books. (Snort-laughing) The fourth though..."

G laughed. I laughed. School counselor laughed. Jason did not.

(It's okay, Jason, I think you had to be there.)

On Moms

G, telling us about his day...

"So I said, 'Whatcha doing?' and he said, 'Your mom!'"
Hysterical, pee-in-your-pants laughter from my husband and teenage son.
Me, The Mom: "But is it really funny when it's your mom?"
Jason: "Yes it is!"

Stop "fixing" the Rubik's Cube

Callum's just the narc, Cracker is the fixer.

Mother of the Year

Today, in Callum news, this happened:



(My first thought? Look at that. He's doing the right handed thing again.)

It washed off just enough to make it look like a blotchy, unidentifiable rash. Which, super awesome timing, because I called him out sick today because Olive was already home sick, and half day Wednesday schedule means I spend 40 minutes of driving + drop-off/pick-up for 75 minutes of instructional time, which is bullshit when I too am sick.

Then, in 6th grade news, I learned that if arranged with great care one can hide A LOT of homework under a 3'x5' rug and pad before things get lumpy. Well played, G.



I regret I was too wft in the moment to take a picture of his lovely work. I have included a sample page of said undone homework for scale because the ginormous front door throws it off.

Finally, I discovered that Callum had also found time today to give our kitten Mr. Wuffles a bit of a haircut with safety scissors. No picture, sadly, as it was just chunks of length off his left hind quarters and only visible in person. Here is the delightful Mr. Wuffles on a better day:



(His ear was clipped by a rescue to show he'd been fixed before going back outside with his stray mother. NOT CALLUM!)

(We sure know how to look bad though, don't we?)

Chistoso

Completed and signed in English on the reverse, I gave it back to my child to turn in at least a week ago.

Question

In the spirit of Halloween and the Tootsie Pop question, how many car lengths can my children get before I notice they are all outfitted with big ass sticks?

The silver minivan is ours, so...two?

I See Four Year Olds

Second year of band, October 2014


Second year of preschool, October 2007


I have a smilier one, but the sax player/ninja's face is blocked by nose picking.

G on Skid Marks

"I don't like wiping. It feels funny." Smile, giggle, giggle.

Leader of the School Band

Mommy: I'm curious, why did you choose the baritone?
G: It's the loudest, which makes it the leader of the band!
Olive: You know what I'm going to be? The microphone!

Whip It

Jason: Come quick! And bring the camera!
Heidi: Why? What's going on?
Jason: The kids are playing Devo!