RIP Flower the Hamster

Week One:
Heidi grabs a tissue from a box on Jason's desk.
"NOOOO!"
"What?"
"That's the box with the dead hamster."
Silence.
"Those tissues are covering the dead hamster."
That is not the first time Heidi had used one of those tissues.

Week Two, All the Days:
What is that rotting smell?

Week Three:
Omg, he still hasn't buried the freaking hamster.

Gimme All Your Huevos

Rancheros

Callum Sings

Clearing his brunch dishes:
At the top of his lungs, "Ice ice baby!"
Changing to a whisper, "Too cold! Too cold!"

Wuffles the Great

We weren't sure we'd ever get another cat. It took 7 months to find the right one. And while he/she drives me crazy on a daily basis, this is how Callum plays him/her on a daily basis. Callum is singing "Rock a Bye Baby" while violently rolling him/her back and forth, and he/she does not give any fucks.

It's been 13 straight months of love, so yeah, he/she's a keeper.

(Confused about Mr. Wuffle's gender? So are we. That story another day.)

Olive and the Appliance

Meet Olive.
Olive sucks her thumb.
Olive's dentist has an appliance for that.
It costs $800 and works in 30 days!
Olive's mother was dubious, at best, but insurance would pay half.
Olive's mother said, "But we leave it on longer."
Because Olive has superpowers.
Olive's dentist assured Olive's mother that 30 days is almost always enough time.
Olive and her entourage drove to the very far away dentist many, many times for fittings, second fittings, spacers, more spacers, impressions, installation, and adjustments.
Olive defeated the appliance within 24 hours. Twice.
Olive's dentist is embarrassed. He's done over a thousand of these and she is only the third to find a workaround.
Olive's mother is not surprised.
After more fittings and spacers and impressions Olive's third appliance did not fit because she grew a molar.
New impressions, fourth appliance to be made and overnighted at dentist's insistence before her superpowers do their super thing.
Olive's mother is embarrassed, but grateful for guarantees.

Month: Five. Visits: 8 or 9? Adults:0, Olive: All the points.

Callum in Beauty Face

Oh my Callum, what beautiful alabaster skin you have! It's like you got a hold of my phone and found some bullshit airbrushing feature.

Christmas Memories with Callum

Callum, being a big boy, peed himself but took care of business, telling no one.

Olive found him in their bathroom, emptying out the linen closet of hand towels one by one, wiping pee off his legs and replacing the towels still perfectly folded.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for a three bathroom house.

Callum, what did you do?

Now Viowit is weady for Cwismas.

Violet vs the Stocking

She *almost* fits inside.

Callum on Birthdays

"Is it my birthday today?"
"No kiddo, it's still a long time off."
"How long?"
"Well, first we will have Thanksgiving, then Pappy's birthday, then Mommy's birthday, and Christmas, and Daddy's birthday, and Grandma's birthday, and Graeme's birthday, and Olive's birthday, and then your birthday in May."
"That's okay, we will go backwards."

Olive's Homework

Whatcha reading, Olive?

"Plants vs Zombies: Official Guide to Protecting Your Brains"

Violet vs the Pumpkin

Aka Little Miss Pumpkin Muffin Wiggle Worm

Callum's Nose

Guitar friend of Jason's to Callum, who had food stuck to his nose: "Hey man, I like your nose."

"Thanks! It's a triangle one."

Introducing Violet

One day after our 18th wedding anniversary, 18 years after we started trying to build our family, our family is complete!

Miss Violet Edith
September 21, 2015 @ 4:13pm
6 pounds, 6 ounces, 19 inches long.

Violet, not quite an anagram of Olive, and Edith after Heidi's grandmother.

(The fact that they came boy-girl-boy-girl makes Jason feel like quite the overachiever.)

Callum on Priorities

First self driven destination in his new wheelchair, hopped up on two narcotics? Fridge, for a yogurt raid.

Don't Break a Leg, Now with Actual Meaning

Even for a low registration sensory seeker breaking a leg fucking hurts. The smile is courtesy of morphine.

It's hard to make out, but yes, Callum broke his leg while wearing a Superman shirt with detachable cape. Oh, the irony.

Jason on the Big V

V is for vasectomy.

Despite constant nagging for the last nine months, someone hasn't made any inquiries about the procedure that's supposed to happen before the end of the year, and someone's wife refuses to call and schedule it for him, because INAPPROPRIATE.

"I just want to be like a dog in the front seat of the car with his head out the window on the way to the vet. 'Oh boy! Oh boy! Where are we going?'"

And then Tone Loc's Wild Thing Came on the Radio

All About Callum

I am 4 years old.
My favorite color is all the colors.
I love blankies.
A word that describes me is pink.
One thing I don't like is poop.
I want to be Mom when I grow up.

So In Love

Olive:  Can I give Violet a kiss?
Mom:  Yes!
Callum:  Can I poke her wif a spoon?
Mom:  No.

Should Callum Share His Ice Cream?

Callum and I were out having a special treat.  At first he was very quiet, and then I noticed him dividing his little scoop into three sections

"This is for Olwif, and this is for Gam!"

Way to go, Elephant & Piggie!  Mo Willems, we could really use "Should I Share My Play Kitchen and Related Accessories?" if you could possibly find the time.

Callum for the Win

He understands how to play, but still usually loses.  Time for a new strategy!

"You play Tic-tac-toe wif me?"

"Sure."
"Okay!  I go first!"  As always, he takes the middle square.  "Your turn!"

I mark an X on the top right.

"I am X."  Makes an X over mine with his pen, claiming it as his own.  "Now it's my turn!"  Makes another X.

Yay cheating!

I Am in an Elephant and Piggie Book

I need white papah.
You can go get white paper.
I can't.
Why can't you?
Because I can't weach.
You can use a stool.
I can use a stool!
You can use a stool.
I will use a stool!
Okay!
I will be right back!
Okay!  Just don't let Mr. Wuffles out.
Okay!  I will be right back!
Okay!
I will be right back!
You will be right back!
I will be right back!
Okay!
I will be right back!

And it just kept going, and going, and going.

Callum's Terms of Endearment II

"You is a poopy asshole!"
"Callum James!"
"I not say dat."
"What did you say?"
"I uhhh...uhhh...umm...uhhh....I call her asiago!"

(Edited to add: Gouda is still "apple cheese.")