Olive in a Nutshell

Her:  "My angle hurts."
Me:  "Your ankle hurts?
Her:  "NO, my anGLE! hurts."

Go Ahead and Stroke My Ego

Presenting us with charts of developmental milestones for 3, 4, and 5 year olds, Olive's teachers place her solidly into the 5 year old category page after page. She is only 4 years and 22 days old.

"Honestly, both her peers and the preschool curriculum are really holding her back. She is one smart little cookie!"

(Again, NAEYC accredited school, not someone's grandma running daycare out of her living room blowing smoke up our asses.)

Which is good, because we can continue to devote all of our energy to her...ahem...behavior at home. At school she is a perfect little angel.

Living the Dream

Husband: "I love the way you dress, but I am so tired of seeing you in the same thing over and over again. Go buy some new clothes!"

Comedienne

Teacher: Olive told us a wonderful joke over lunch.
Me: She did?

Of course the punch line involves urine.

Olive on Evolution

(Used as greeting) "Did you know I used to be a chimpanzee?"

"Wow!"

(Sensing 'dult placating bullshit.) "No! Really! Gwam told me. It was a really long time ago, before Pappy was born."

"Oh! Okay. Actually, humans..."

"You mean people."

"Fine. People evolved..."

"UGH! I AM PEOPLE!"