Olive Writes II

We really need to start reading her weekly writing assignments.

An excerpt from What My House Says About Me:
"Earl Grey, my cat, loves my bed. His tail is super short, and sometimes when he goes to the litterbox he doesn't get 100% clean. Some of it ends in the box and some sticks to his tail. Then he goes to sit on my face while I'm napping. Yes, my morning face is probably worse than yours."

Callum the Artist

At Callum's parent teacher conference a few months ago we heard, again, how his flair for the fancy keeps him from completing projects in the time allotted.

Example: A simple, stay in the lines coloring page. Use a color or two to complete the picture. You've got 5 minutes.

Callum: Use all the colors available. Make meticulous alternating patterns of zig zags, stripes, polka dots, and unique intricacies. Are there letters or numbers involved? Bubble that shit.

Jason and I are like...uh...yeah...he kinda gets that from us, BOTH of us. So does at least one other kid. Then there's another other kid who, like, couldn't be any farther from this problem. Who knows about the fourth.

So we are supposed to be working on rushing, which, eye roll, preschool. Yes, we get it, or maybe we don't, because if the 4 year old wants to go above and beyond and is willing to finish it at home, well kinda seems like a #Problemnotproblem.

So, voilà, Callum's (sloppy) rush job, limit two colors. (Because nobody tells baby he can't make bubble letters at home.)



(Also, please note teacher's fancy letters top left.)

Mother of the Year

Today, in Callum news, this happened:



(My first thought? Look at that. He's doing the right handed thing again.)

It washed off just enough to make it look like a blotchy, unidentifiable rash. Which, super awesome timing, because I called him out sick today because Olive was already home sick, and half day Wednesday schedule means I spend 40 minutes of driving + drop-off/pick-up for 75 minutes of instructional time, which is bullshit when I too am sick.

Then, in 6th grade news, I learned that if arranged with great care one can hide A LOT of homework under a 3'x5' rug and pad before things get lumpy. Well played, G.



I regret I was too wft in the moment to take a picture of his lovely work. I have included a sample page of said undone homework for scale because the ginormous front door throws it off.

Finally, I discovered that Callum had also found time today to give our kitten Mr. Wuffles a bit of a haircut with safety scissors. No picture, sadly, as it was just chunks of length off his left hind quarters and only visible in person. Here is the delightful Mr. Wuffles on a better day:



(His ear was clipped by a rescue to show he'd been fixed before going back outside with his stray mother. NOT CALLUM!)

(We sure know how to look bad though, don't we?)

BEST HOMEWORK EXCUSE EVER

Insanely long story, full of drama and punctuated with much hand gesturing, eye rolling, sighing, and pre-teen angst, ending with:

     "Someone did turn my math book in to the front office, but they [the school administration] didn't know what it [a school issued text book] was and accidentally threw it away."

Poor Jason, karma's a bitch.  As the wife/mother it's actually pretty darn funny.

UPDATE:  We received an email from his teacher.  The above is totally true.  Unfucking believable.

Homework Classic

Trevor walks 10 units south on the Northern Trail. Then he walks 3 units west, 4 units north, 3 units west, and 6 units north. How much of the trail did Trevor walk?

"Most of the way."

Homework, Fourth Grade Style

You hide your homework folder because...yeah.

You hide your agenda so you can argue that you can't do your homework because you don't have the assignments written down.

You hide you English and math book because you need them to get your homework done.

You even hide your completed/ready to turn in homework because you hope that it will keep the next assignment from being assigned.

You got us on this one: we don't know why you don't turn in test corrections.  Enlighten us?

(PS  It's time for a new hiding place.  I found behind-the-curtains-in-the-baby's-room the Friday before Thanksgiving.  Good one!  I do thank you though because knowing where to go has made my life a little easier these last few weeks.)