When Procrastination Pays Off

From his (3 years older) sister's drawer.



They fit, with no room to grow. And he loved them.

Love Bites

Valentine's Day, 5:30pm, Meeting for Dinner

Me: Rawr! Damn you lookin' fine!
Him: Yeah? That's good, because [super mega giant company] showed up unannounced at my cube today.
Me: Squinting. What's wrong with your ear lobe?
Him: ?
Me: Inspecting... OH CRAP! Is that a hickey?! Did I give you a hickey?
Him: On my ear? What? No! There was biting...
Me: Oh shit, you're right! That's what it is! It looks exactly like when Callum bites Olive, purple bruising and then...right there! Teeth marks!
Him: Smiling, nodding. That's awesome!

Hehe, and that was just from regular ol' Ash Wednesday night.

More Crazy Like a Grandparent

At school, nearly empty classroom:

Teacher: Hi there! We were just discussing Olive's tooth brushing skills. She is amazing to watch! Front, back, backside, all those hard to reach places... She brushes better than most adults! Please, tell us your secret!

Me: Yeeeeeeah, that was my dad.

Silence. Teacher, teacher's aide, and student teacher all looking at me expectantly.

Me: He, umm...well, like a year ago...he, uh, was trying to get her big brother to understand the importance of good oral hygiene, and it wasn't working. So, um, he googled "Meth mouth."

Silence.

Me: It didn't work on G. You know, nine year old boys! It was so gross he thought it was hysterically funny. But it made an impression on Olive.

Teacher, laughing: It certainly did!

Crazy Like a Grandparent

At Costco:

Giggling, "Mom, you forgot to get a dog bed so I can lay down in the cart and bark at people."
Oh hell no. "You have me confused with someone else."
More giggling, "Pappy!"