Left Behind

We banished the three big kids from the house and told them to walk to my old elementary school where we'd pick them up eventually so we could get ready in peace.
"Guys? GUYS! Where are my guys!? GUYS!!! I HAVE NO FWIENDS!"

Violet Goes to The Broad

V: "Wow, there's so many people in here..."

If you take a two year old to the Getty

you will be forced to carry her random crap.

I Love LA

Her family took her to see the Space Shuttle Endeavour and all she did was hug the trash.

March for Families

H: "We are not getting arrested. No one is getting arrested. OLIVE, you will not get arrested, do you hear me?"
O: "Yeah, yeah, sure, if you say so."
G: "It's cool, mom. I'm too cute to get arrested." (Then he laughed that teenager laugh he laughs when he thinks he's the funniest thing ever.)

Callum's First Big Fat Gay Wedding

C: "Will there be dancing?"
H: "Oh, yes!"
C: "What kind of dancing?"
H: "Any kind you want."
C: "Do we all have to do the same kind of dance at the same time?"
H: "Occasionally, but most of the time it's freeform."
C: "Can I...do...my cat moves?"
H: "Yes, you absolutely should bring your cat moves."

And he did, and it was PAWESOME. (And especially well-received at a flamboyantly gay wedding.)

P!nk

When you won't dance to the DJ with your mom so she finds new friends, and they dance, like no one is watching 🤣

Natives

As if Muir Woods wasn't already one of my favorite places to visit when I go back home, momma has made a den here two years in a row now. Apparently cherry soda is their favorite, and when they score a can they pour it out on leaves and lap it up.

(All grown up and long gone when I came back to check in on them in July.)

31 Months

My new favorite thing is Violet faking Pig Latin to fit in with the big kids.

Callum on LA

C: "That's where the Hollywood sign is, right?"
H: "Yup!"
C: "Are you going to make us hike to it? Because I don't want to."

(Nary a mention of Disney, or that famous mouse...)
(Why didn't I think of that? We should TOTALLY hike to the Hollywood sign!)

How to Make the Strangers Around You Laugh Out Loud

Me, to two year old: "Are those your best manners?"
Her: "NOPE!"

Violet Sees Through the Slats

"GUYS, WATCH OUT! BE CAREFUL! IT'S VERY BRIDGE!"

Toddler Property Law

Violet, as she steals everybody's stuff: "IT'S MINE! I GOT IT FOR KWISSMISS!"
(Yeah, it's not hers, and it wasn't a Christmas gift, either.)

Violet v2.5

What's for lunch? Tuna.
"I DON'T WANT TUNA! I WANT SAMWICHES!"
"Please remember your manners. Alright, here's your (tuna) sandwich."
Eats tuna, discards bread, demands more tuna, by name.
Consumes 6 total helpings, freaks out when the can is gone. Demands cheese, puts it on top of bread, freaks out because it's now "dirty!" with bread crumbs.
Quickly works to redeem herself by calling her fingers "pingers."

Oh, two, you are an awesome beast.

Good Night, Sweet Violet

Every night once she's done nursing she stands up in my lap, grabs my face with her little hands, and brings us in, nose to nose. And then she slowly whispers whatever happens to be on her mind.

Tonight it was "I want...to...go...to the beach...and eat cookies."

Violet hasn't been to the beach since December despite asking every day, and that's a problem.

Callum on How to Warm Up the Parent-Teacher Conference Crowd

"I look extra handsome today because I am wearing a tie."

My Better Half

Me: "I kinda wanted to kill the kids."
Him: "That's cool. I bet I'd get a day work off if you did."
Then we laaaaaaaughed.
(No kids were harmed.)

Native

I'm trying to nail down a snack G can take with him to Costa Rica and will actually eat, since everything he took to DC last year came back uneaten.

"I just want bags of tortillas."

#NewMexicoTrue

We're Gonna Need More Pizza

Callum to roofers: Hi guys! We brought pizza!

(Not for roofers, for us, for dinner.)

Tiny Teeth, Big Dreams

"I got the BIGGEST bag so the tooth fairy can fill it with lots of money!"

Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Little Cup of Tea

Barista: Oh, and we also have a Lavender Earl Grey.
Violet: YOU HAVE OUR CAT?!


Earl Grey, our cat

Growing Old, Together

Me: Can you pluck that weird hair for me? I can't reach it.
Him: Where?
Me: There!
Him: I don't see anything.
Me: Right there!
Him: Honey, you know I can't see things up close anymore.

Olive Writes II

We really need to start reading her weekly writing assignments.

An excerpt from What My House Says About Me:
"Earl Grey, my cat, loves my bed. His tail is super short, and sometimes when he goes to the litterbox he doesn't get 100% clean. Some of it ends in the box and some sticks to his tail. Then he goes to sit on my face while I'm napping. Yes, my morning face is probably worse than yours."

One of Us

Me: "Guys, come here! I want to show you something on the computer."
Violet: "Is it a cat wideo? I love cats!"

Violet on Giraffes and Dinosaurs

A giraffe IS SO BIG! with a LONG NECK! like a dinosaur, so it is a dinosaur.

Duh.