Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Adult Girlfriend Laugh

If my parents are reading this, because I know I mentioned this blog to you before, I beg of you...PLEASE DON'T READ THIS! Just don't.

I belong to a group of Mommy posters on a message board, and it's one of my only real escapes into adult life. I spend way too much time there reading and posting. Occasionally, we get a little silly.

The other day one woman asked the group something to the effect of: In case of emergency or death, do you have a deal with your friends to hide your adult stuff? So that your children or relatives wouldn't find it? Apparently, many people have this deal. Should something happen, their friends will go and dispose of everything. And they know exactly where to find it all. People really do this!

Uh no, we don't have this deal with anyone. Making such a deal never even crossed our minds. If J and I were to die together, my mom will probably have a heart attack when she comes to clean out our house, and it will be all my fault.

The only "toy" in the house is mine, though I know J has some "visual" stuff somewhere. My friends and I are all pretty left winged liberals, we all love Sex and the City, but I found out about a year ago from one friend complaining to the group about some one else that the subject of vibrators is off limits. It was "eew...I don't want to know that...how dare she tell me!" and from what I understand, this was at a bachelorette party. I think the rest of the women hearing this were just going along, but I've kept my mouth shut since then. But that's okay, because one particular girlfriend I've known since high school and I have long talks all about it on the phone. So I get to share.

Now for too much sharing...I often leave IT out in plain sight in the bedroom. I worry more about the Police or Fire Fighters seeing it than anyone I know, because our bedroom is where we pile things we don't know what to do with, and we never let anyone see it. BUT HERE'S WHAT WOULD BE THE MOST EMBARASSING PART...the dozen half-dead batteries sitting next to IT on my nightstand that I am too lazy to throw away! I, um, like a fresh battery, and I don't know what to do with the partially used ones!

(Yes, I know they make corded ones. However, no where near me sells them. So I then took my search online. I googled IT. And Netscape crashed! ROFLMAO! Not that I would ever dare give my account information to anything that would have popped up anyway. Besides, batteries at Costco are really cheap, 30 cents each, and IT takes 3, which even for only an hour or two of use is still cheaper than a Therapist or even Starbucks.)

And since I'm already sharing too much, here's my new favorite motto, which I heard Dr. Drew say on Love Line one night while driving home from Walmart. "What (young) men don't understand is that a vagina is not an inside out penis." Wow! So simple, but I could never have come up with it. Where was this man when I was dating?

Spread the word ladies!

(Be sure to click here if you weren't offended in any way by this post.)


Anonymous said...

youre one liberal minded female! :) nice to know for a guy like me that such women exist...

nice blog :)

Heidi said...

Thanks babe! Smooch

Glad to see that I didn't offend any men (yet) with my whole Dr. Drew thing.

Nisa said...

Being the "friend from high school" rocks because we libral minded female like sex and we like to feel good to when sex is not readily available(or when life stresses us out too much). It rocks to have a friend like you share info and "toy" recommendations with. Besides it need be I will fly out and rid the house of "toys" and "visuals" thus saving your mother from death. Or I will call your dad and tell him to do it first. I don't think it will kill him and I like your mom too much for her to die of shock.

On the battery bit... I still say you need the rechargable kind. And while I agree they are cheaper than Starbucks and MOST therapist's what am I CHOPPED LIVER... You have a free therapist. Me (For anyone else reading the comments I am a licenced therapist who mainly works with kids but I also see adults and couples). Love you.