Ta Da!

BIG POTTY NEWS, A PSA, AND WHY I'M A FAILURE AS A HUMAN BEING

It appears that the Cracker has decided that he wants to be potty trained, and so I've been spending all my time in the bathroom. I mean EVERY 10 minutes ALL DAY for 4 days now. Even with a step stool he can't get on and off the big potty by himself, and the little potty is impossible to keep clean when you go every 10 minutes. Occasionally I get a 30-45 minute break, but with stickers or M&Ms as rewards he'd rather go hundreds of time/day. So my house is trashed, except for the bathroom, which is very clean since it's the only room I've gotten to spend any quality time in. I'm trying not to get excited, since he's been using the potty on and off since October (starting out at once a few times a month) and last month we had two days in a row where we made it 75% of the time, only then to be followed by a 100% failure rate for the next week. But he seems to finally be excited by t.p., flushing a big boy under pants.

And only two days in I did the thing I never swore I'd do: I bought disposable Pull-ups. The shock! The horror!

I am a wanna be environmentalist. After dealing with cloth diapers as 12 year old babysitter, as much as I wanted to I just couldn't go cloth. I was young, I didn't know what I was doing, the parents hated children (but it was good for HIS career) and it was miserable. It scared me for life. So I research it all, do what I can, know all the facts by heart as to what happens when you throw something away to the evil landfill, and I sound like the biggest recycling nut you've ever met. And then I use disposable diapers.

But I do try! Since we moved into our house, I've started composting, and I tell everyone who expresses any interest why it's so great. I know all the facts. OhmyGod, you can't throw a tea bag or coffee filter in the trash! They will stay there FOREVER! Things that would normally rot WON'T unless you compost them! Join my crusade!

Do I know what I'm doing? Heck no! I just take every scrap and seed I can and toss it into a no longer shallow hole I dug in the back yard, as far from the house as possible and pray that bugs won't come into my living space. (Because then I will freak.) And now for my PSA: one composting freak I met informed me that you should NEVER EVER put anything that isn't raw in the pile, because you will get roaches. No toast, no egg, no steamed broccoli. Just the fresh stuff. Thank God I met her.

Anyway, so while I never attempted cloth diapers, though I know some amazing women who are better than I am and swear by them, I figured I'd do the cloth training pants thing and redeem myself at least partially. And I did all these months while we did the on-again-off-again potty training. But now that we're there, and it seems to be serious, I've already broken that rule. Ugh. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

But my kid pees, a lot. He drinks insane amounts of water (no juice, almost no milk) and even my friends are amazed by the amount he pees, and their kids are the same age. Back to Pull-ups, it's a friggin diaper. The Cracker isn't going understand that this isn't a diaper just like the ones he's always knowN, that you aren't supposed to pee/poo in it unless it's the most unfrikinbelieveable emergency of all time. Special diaper my ass.

AND back to the my kids pees a lot argument: he holds it. When he's not in the mood he holds it until he can't hold it anymore, and then we have a flood. I put him in two, yes two pairs of thick cloth training pants, followed by a pair of absorbent water proof pants (not the skimpy shell ones) and then pants. And every single time it's still streaming down his legs, soaking his socks and finally puddling up in his shoes. Every time. Here we go with more laundry and a bath.

AND then there's the cost. Pull-ups are cheaper than size 6 diapers. Why? Because Huggies has this big conspiracy that they not only sell them at Costco, but paper the world with $2 off coupons to use everywhere else. They make it irresistable, the bastards. But with regular old 6s, even a $1 off coupon is so rare that my budget minded self has an orgasm should my mom or I actually find one. And they don't sell 6s in quantity except if you're willing to trek all the way to Toys R Us, and then it's still not enough to get me hot. And why would you ever take your 3 year old to TRU unless you're having the best friggin day ever? So I end up at Walmart or Target buying packs of 52 because it's the largest quantity you can buy, and they get you for it. "Ha ha, your kid isn't potty trained! What's wrong with you? Jesus, what's wrong with your kid! Remember when you used to be able to buy 200 diapers for this price? Those days are SO over!"

(Oh, and I also used to secretly make fun of everyone who complained about the cost of diapers. $20/month? Really people! Why is $20/month so terrible? Okay, well, insert foot in mouth here. Now it's $20 a week and my favorite subject.)

AND one day we will need to leave the house. We can't stay in the bathroom forever, even if I am raising a man. And do I really want to be dealing with pee in his shoes or all over his car seat when we do? Because I know he'll never have to go when we are anywhere near a potty. And if I encourage him to pee on the side of the road will he have to register as a sex offender when we get caught? "Yeah, my mom ruined my life. I was only 3, but she made me whip it out in public. Now I can't get a job or even a place to live. God I hate her."

So I'm *hoping* that if you count all the water from laundry and a bath, not to mention my aggravation, it's better for the world if I just do Pull-ups for now.