Olive on Keeping it Real

This morning as we were walking to school Olive told me an extremely detailed account about what had happened the night before when Jason had walked her and the boys to school for a planetarium event. Basically all the boys purposely left the safety of the paved trail, darting into the street, IN THE DARK, for no apparent reason, RISKING THEIR LIVES. The morons!

Weird. We had just walked that route a few hours earlier without incident.

"Actually, that's not what really happened. But if I had been writing a story that's how it would have gone."

How We Roll

I told Jason that our vintage Pyrex needed some vintage Transformers.



Much better!

Callum's Dream

Star Wars + That Bass = Awesome

Heidi on Why Olive's First Grade Teacher was Right About Visiting the Restroom

Olive's First Grade Teacher on Visiting the Restroom

Olive, hanging at the sink to leisurely watch herself in the mirror as she makes and blows bubbles with hand soap after flushing:

"What? A second grader taught me."

Callum on Style

I call this look "Star Wars Threw Up on Me."



Many mornings I still have to talk him into being warm and covering the shirt. "But if you cover your Star Wars tee with a Star Wars hoodie you will have EVEN MORE STAR WARS! Dude, think about it. Count it out!"



Buying guide:
Hoodie via Costco Wholesale, kicks by Vans, t-shirts by Old Navy/Gap/Target/mother-in-law, backpack by Pottery Barn Kids, SW-free sweet baby Jesus miracle pants that survived big brother by Gap

Photo credit:
He was nearly frozen for a whole minute because his bro gave him a mostly dead cricket.

Olive on a Very Big Number

In retrospect I was likely wrong, I was so tired, but I thought I heard Olive repeatedly say Google+ when she meant googolplex. What I do know is that as I began to define Google+ I was immediately interrupted with a "Go look it up, Mom."

That's new.

Olive on Tween G

"Are hormones assholes? Because G is being one."

Touché. And timeout for language.

Chistoso

Completed and signed in English on the reverse, I gave it back to my child to turn in at least a week ago.

Hip Hop Hooray

Naughty By Nature was on right before going into Target. As we made our way through a very long list, Callum serenaded the adults with, "HEY, HO! HEY, HO! HEY, HO! HEY, HO!"

He is so mine.

So You Want to Be a Snowman?

I had started making a Vader costume because we were many months deep into I won't leave the house without Darth on my body.

But no, he had his heart very much set on something else.



I do love a man in tights.

Callum's Evolution of Music

It started with "What Does the Fox Say?" He wore his Ewok fox costume every day for like six months straight until it got too hot and I had to pull rank. Then we took it to chilly California this summer and wore the shit out of it some more.



Next came Katy Perry's "Roar" on a loop from late 2013 through early September 2014. Yes, that was waaaaay too much Katy Perry, even for Olive. It was cold out when Darth Vader and The Imperial March became a parallel obsession, which began the "If I can't wear my fox costume then I must wear Star Wars clothing six days a week" phase. For some unknown reason, there's also some serious Pavolv's Dogs shit going on: any time Callum hears the word "hat" he still busts out singing The Imperial March. NO CLUE.

Now it's "All About That Base."

Question

In the spirit of Halloween and the Tootsie Pop question, how many car lengths can my children get before I notice they are all outfitted with big ass sticks?

The silver minivan is ours, so...two?

Death with Dignity

She has my mom's cancer, and my unwavering support.

I See Four Year Olds

Second year of band, October 2014


Second year of preschool, October 2007


I have a smilier one, but the sax player/ninja's face is blocked by nose picking.

Olive's First Grade Teacher on Visiting the Restroom

"Gentlemen, please remember to keep your hands to yourself. LADIES! Remember: flush-wash-leave! Flush! Wash! LEAVE! No chatting, no hanging out. Do not make me have to send in a search party."

Callum on Cleaning Up

Momma singing: "Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere..."
Callum singing: "No no, no no, no no no no no no no..."

A favorite oldie I keep forgetting to write down, luckily there was yet another encore presentation this weekend.

What is it?

Is it a cow?




Is it a dog?




It is a dog.




Good morning, butthole!



(Glad to see all the 50+ ladies on the school staff taking balloon butthole pictures and giggling, too.)

Olive on Grades

Absolutely devastated. "Two out of three? WHAT!? Mom, I just got my first F!"

Olive on the Bonus Letter Rule. Or not.

Last week in first grade Olive was introduced to the the Bonus Letter Rule. This reopened a whole new can of insecurity over spelling. Yay! Ya know, because she doesn't know all the rules of English yet, and she's about to turn six and a half.

Writing and illustrating a book with bunnies for funsies while her brother does his homework:

"Mom, I think fur has one r and fur-ry has two. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Spell it."
Seriously?
"Please?"
"F-u..."
Little giggles from Olive.
"...r-r-y."
"Can you start over?"
"F-u..."
Hysterical laughter around the table.

Good one.

G on Skid Marks

"I don't like wiping. It feels funny." Smile, giggle, giggle.

Labor Day Memories

Callum getting really, truly, hopelessly stuck in an empty tomato cage, and not for the first time this summer.

Bittersweet

There was a new car, purchased for a new baby. We adopted new furry friends, old ones passed away from illness and age. We celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary with almost an entire house full of new furniture, then the majority of the appliances replaced with new ones within the last year.

I've spent a lot of time the last few months looking at the spot where my mom always sat in our home. The table is falling apart, the chairs now only brought out for overflow for our biggest gatherings. We moved our meals into the formal dinning room years ago. If there was one thing I could take with me from this house it's that spot, red wall in the background and crappy flooring I've always hated but never got around to replacing.

That chair on the end, where Olive's hand is resting? That was my mom's spot. When things moved from the kitchen to the living room she simply picked up her chair and turned it around.



Next week we move into our new home in a (not really) new city. We probably won't bring the table. We've been shopping for a new one.

Even before the next family moves in and starts making it their own it is already not the same house it was in 2008. You know what's weird? To think of you mom, living or not, showing up at your home and not recognizing it, or your car as you drive down the street. Even crazier, not living there anymore.

But much to my surprise that's not what knocked the wind out of me, that moment came when the nice person setting up internet service and the new landline told me to grab a pen and write down our new number. Last year we got new mobile numbers, and now the landline is changing, too.

Wow. I don't even care, it's just...mindblowing.

My Dog

Our dog still prefers sign language to the spoken word. When we don't teach him new signs fast enough he invents his own, and then we are stupid idiots until we figure them out. Our favorites over the last year (all of which are things we didn't really want our dog to be familiar with in the first place) are:

HOT DOG
TV
HAND OVER YOUR SMART PHONE/iPAD
and...FUCK YOU.

Oh, and my dog is still obsessed with Katy Perry's Roar. Even Olive is like, "OMG I am so sick of that song!"

And if you put on his Star Wars shirt he will start singing the Imperial March. Always.

Not So Diplomatic Olive

Grandpa: Okay Olive, G got to pick the first chair, so you get to pick the first blanket.
Olive: I want the one he wants.
Grandpa: (Laughing) But what one do you want?
Olive: Whatever blanket he wants...THAT ONE.