Keeping It Real

If gardening bores you, well, this isn't completely about gardening, or the environment...eventually.


One of the most rewarding parts of home ownership for me so far has been having a yard. And in that yard I have been working on our very own 300sq ft veggie garden. Since our soil is 100% alkaline crap, it's been a slow process. Oh, and I am trying to not only get in as much rich organic matter in as possible for the least amount of money, I want to raise the whole 300sq ft bed a minimum of 18 inches.

Yeah. It's gonna take a few years, but I'm enjoying the ride. I'm a sweat equity kind of girl.

So we got into composting, and last year vermicomposting. When ever I think about it and I'm already in town I stop at every Starbucks along my route and pick up used coffee grounds, which with my totally alkaline soil is a rock star when it comes to amending the pH. Starbucks will literally give you gigantic garbage bags full if you request them. (Info here.) And dude, it's free. Awesome.

The whole family is pretty well trained, and just between composting, recycling and bringing our own bags to the store right now we could easily go 2 months before filling our city issued trash can to the top. Heck...even in our hick town they offer electronics recycling at no charge a few times a year. It just keeps getting harder and harder to simply throw things away.

So do I think my little family making a difference? Hell no! But it's the thought that counts.

------

Now, for the record, I don't plan on making lasagne, or spaghetti, or pizza. (Recipes here.) I also hear it's excellent sautéed up with a little onion and...what was it? Fennel, perhaps?

But dude, I totally want to bring home the placenta.

And I am oh so totally serious.

Fuck no I don't plan on eating it, but hello, it really seems wrong to just send it off as biohazardous waste, probably to some incinerator when I could, I dunno, find some way to use it to spruce up my veggie garden.

Totally organic homegrown zucchini...anyone? Anyone?

And once you find people you actually know have already BTDT the stigma fades quite quickly. Turns out a good friend of mine from our preschool co-op kept hers in the freezer for 2 years before she figured out what to do with it. Let me tell you...it was one of the top 5 hot topics of our drunken, off-site Halloween party. There's nothing like stories of freaking out the people who dare to explore your icebox sin permiso to get a party started.

(That and her husband dressed up as the most convincing Mormon missionary ever, complete with backpack and bike helmet. We like them and we're feel honored that they like us back.)

Honestly, I am not quite as hippie as I sound. There is still a part of me that keeps asking...really?

But my mind is made up.


Okay, so where to start? G-o-o-g-l-e.

Alrighty. Apparently I will need:

-a placenta
-1 large Tupperware container with a "very tight fitting lid"

Oh for Christ's sake.

But beware! DANG-EH! Step 5 of How to Take the Placenta Home warns:

"Keep it away from any pets you have. Do not allow your pet to smell it so it can get your baby's scent. Most pets have an instinctual desire to eat the placenta."


Good morning, friends. =)

Sayonara Second Trimester

Good riddance.

I haven't been blogging because really all I want to do is complain, and complaining makes me feel like a total ass because I am fully aware that the world is full of people with real problems. (Not that any of that has stopped me from having the occasional pity party...I just haven't published any of it until now. But this will at least be condensed.) (And for the record, until week 37 with the Cracker I had the most boring pregnancy ever. Seriously.)

So, in the spirit of cleansing and moving on and having what I have decided will be the awesomest third trimester ever, here we go.


What I learned this second trimester:

Spotting that came out of nowhere and lasted a good full week = unexplained and apparently not of concern (after ultrasound) to anyone but us.

Still feeling really rundown = anemic by blood volume.

Not having a gallbladder = icky digestion issues = no weight gain through week 21. (But go me...I gained 4lbs for my week 25 appointment after holiday binging.)

It may just be two or three drops every time I sneeze, but incontinence = incontinence = unacceptable and deeply disturbing.

Back pain so low that really it's better described as above the crack all the way across my ass pain, but more so on my left = sciatica = Oh! So that's why my leg keeps falling asleep, except that it's painful, and stomping around/rain dancing does not even kinda wake it up = a bad day cannot just be walked off...the only relief is to lay down.

By week 24 standing up = swelling, but sitting = back pain = I prefer swelling. (Uh...isn't this a little early???) New thing learned: I can swell out of Birkenstocks but I cannot swell out of Crocs = good to know.

The uncontrollable urge to nest = a bitch on a bad sciatica day. Think I'm just going to get out of bed to unload/reload the dishwasher because of my God I fucking refuse to have any dirty dishes in the sink and it's going to make me feel better about the fact that I can't tear the closets apart and/or move furniture that's too heavy to move anyway that my husband swore he'd move last weekend by didn't = hysterical sobbing because even such a rudimentary task really really hurts and why the fuck can't I stop myself from doing in anyway? = I am screwed if I ever become a chronic pain patient = I am a wuss even if I did do a natural childbirth the first time around.

My first ever UTI. My first ever kidney infection. Apparently they were "raging." (And after a round of antibiotics incontinence = gone! Happyhappyhappy!) (And for the sake of brevity we won't get into my less than a day hospital stay, but yes, they did take it seriously and made a big affair of making sure I wasn't in preterm labor.)

In a misguided and unconscious attempt to deal with the Sciatica = start walking/sleeping/sitting/something funny that causes upper back pain = keeps getting worse = more crying because dammit I want to be detailing baseboards with Q-tips and cleaning up the cat gak that my son just slide across the carpet on.


(Think I'm done now.)


And in good news:

Waking up with leg cramps was new to me this pregnancy too, but I have now perfected the art of waking up, flexing my foot before they take hold and falling back asleep all within 1 second. Check me out...I'm super fucking talented.

My first Chiropractor appointment is Monday, and insurance is supposedly going to cover it without a referral. I. Am. So. Excited.

I got a pregnancy pillow today that came highly recommended and so far seems to rock. Lo and behold there's even still room for J in the bed. (He totally wanted to try it out because he thought it looked "awesome" so I totally took his picture with it and we thought we were pretty damn funny in the moment.) (Yes, we know that while perfectly suited for each other that no one else would ever love either or us, so this is it.)

First and middle...we have a full official name. (It's even been official for more than a month.) The first name is uncommon enough that it hasn't hit the Social Security Administration's Top 1000 Most Popular Girl's Names list since 1950 (very important to J) yet it isn't something that we made up. It's part old fashioned, part spunky, something you've heard of and comes with 3 fantastic possible nicknames. We're totally in love. The middle name is a variation of a tradition from my family where girls are named after a particular line of tugboats. J was very sweet about giving up one of his favorite names early on, which was good, because...no. While it started out as a joke, he seriously fell in love with Creirdyddlydd. I shit you not. "Thirteen letters and five of them are Ds...It's beautiful." UhhNO. On a random note, out of our top 3 girl names (all of which were decently unusual) 2 have been used in the last few months by Australian celebrities. (And for those who know me from back when or remember the stories of my crazy youth...I did my last foreign exchange student gig in New Zealand, not Australia.)


Anyway, that about catches things up. Sayonara.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

How loud was it?

(No headaches...yet.)

Last Week in Art

"Look what I made at school!"
"Wow! That is one gorgeous Christmas tree!"
"No silly! It's a rocket ship with gooey eyeballs!"

The Things They Remember

(Vibrators mentioned.)

"Hey Mom, where's your blue one?"
"My blue what? Oh. Umm, yeah, it broke. Put that back in the nightstand please."

Dude, I had a blue one for less than a week, like, last spring.

Happy Holidays

The Cracker's final (updated) and sent to Santa list for 2007:

1. Barricade (Check!)
2. Pat Pat Rocket (It's a good thing he's got grandparents because, well, it's a $40 Target Exclusive HTF POS that I wouldn't buy. Check.)
3. A drum stick (And then J talks me into *see below)
4. Marble Mania (Check! You gotta love grandparents)
5. Geo Trax (The You-Can't-Have-Everything-And-We-Already-Have-Thomas lesson)

*********************************************************

So.............

Enough with the procrastinating already.


IUI #3 (with Clomid) worked.

Yuppers.

Ten weeks on Monday.

(Stunned? I still kinda am too.)


While I know it would be exceptionally bad taste to immediately start bitching and moaning, I believe I've earned the right to at least point out the following:

Weight lost in September...21 lbs.
Weight gained (all in the last week)...1/2 lb.


To be continued...

Conversations with the Cracker

In the backyard, next to a rapidly dying pumpkin vine:

"What kind of bugs are dose?"
"I don't know, but we're going to catch one and take it to the garden center so they can tell us."
"Are they stink bugs? Baa haa haa! Stink bugs are the funniest bugs!"
"No they're not stink bugs. Stand back! They're giving me the heebeegeebees."
"Is that the Spanish word for hiccups?"
(Racking my brain.) "No, I think...uh...hipo is?"
"You don't seem so sure."
"I'm not."
"Why?"
"Because I'm getting old."
"And forgetitful?"


On our way to the garden center, pointing out a trailer hauling something:

"Wow! I've never seen a machine like that before. What is it?"
"Uhh...uhh...I have no idea. (And it's hard to stump me these days when it comes to vehicles.) It looks a little bit like a miniature Zamboni."
"That weminds me...can we go ice fishing later today?"
"Ice fishing?"
"Sure. All you need is a saw, and some chairs, and a fishing pole, and mittens, and snacks..."


At the garden center:

"Let's see what you have."
"Is it a stink bug? Is it a stink bug?"
"Actually, it is! Amazing! You have a Horticulturist on your hands!"
"I told you so Mommy."

(No, it was because we saw stink bugs mentioned in some random book last week, probably Dr. Seuss, and he's been obsessed ever since.)

Five shopping months til Christmas

...and we're being reminded daily of what he wants from Santa.

Oh God.


The list so far:

A red wheelbarrow with blue wheels.
(Uhh...has anyone seen this particular color combo?)

A toy combine with crawler tracks, John Deere or Caterpillar brand.

Another toy motor grader, but this time smaller so as to match the scale of his other construction and farm vehicles.

A Caterpillar movie.
(But maybe I can get away with this if it's still on the list at Christmastime)

A John Deere Gator or Buck with dumper, child sized for his driving pleasure.
(My parents and I actually heavily researched this idea last year, but he was already way too tall for the less expensive 2-4 year old one.)
(And it was a very poorly made piece of crap.)
(And I prefer ride-ons where they have to work for it, not just run off batteries.)

An "actual" (his word for NOT A TOY) excavator with crawler tracks, also John Deere or Caterpillar brand.
(So he can help us finish the back yard.)

A pink dump truck for Baby Elephant, because she's a girl.
(BE has replaced Not Bob as best bed friend.)

A John Deere Gator for J, so he'll help Mommy in the yard.
(No comment.)


At least he's finally stopped asking for a dog.

Question: What are you doing with with your shoe in your mouth?

Answer: We're playing dogs.

NEW! Yesterday's Random Parenting Related Cleaning Challenge

Blood. Lots of blood.

It had been quiet for two hours. We both thought he was napping.

What he was actually doing was taking off a lampshade, unscrewing the light blub, breaking it, and playing with the broken glass.

We are fantastic parents.

J freaked. I didn't. J was so bummed out by my reaction that he insisted we take pictures so we could freak out my mother.

I am so seasoned. Bring it on.

Yesterday's Random Parenting Related Cleaning Challenge

The Cracker snuck some bright aqua blue streamers into his bed and then peed on them.

He has white sheets.

So far I have tried: Biz. Spray 'n Wash. Clorox Bleach Pen...twice. Straight bleach.

Two of our three cats gacked up some of the same streamers. Luckily, I caught it right away and the carpet was saved.

I think I give up.

(Which will leave me with some time to try, again, to get more than a half dozen little purple spots of jelly bean drool out of the carpet without cutting.)

(Click.)

"Nana? Can I call you back?"

(Handy Manny was on.)

Pumpkin Update 2007

In case you missed it, last year I made a complete ass of myself.


The facts so far:
1. They are not honeydew. Of this I am certain.
2. Last winter I placed a pumpkin to rot in this exact location.

Hmmm...

My Little Man

"Hey Mommy? While you were wabering the gahden I made a pee and a poop. And I'm not going to use my bafhwoom anymore. I'm going to use yours, because it's weally closer to the TV."

Soccer, Week 5

Coach: Okay Tigers, we're going to try playing a game today.
Cracker: Oh goodie! What kind of game?

Quick & Dirty IUI #1 Update

We did our first IUI two weeks ago today. Everything looked great...1 good sized egg *just* about to release, good lining, and a fantastic washed sample from J.

This morning, before I could go in for my beta, AF showed. Making plans now for IUI #2 in July.

I can still add the beta to the blood tests that I am having done tomorrow, but for now I've decided not to go in as scheduled. I called my RE and he said it was fine since we'll continue with at least one more unmedicated cycle before trying meds. My parents are arriving from California this afternoon for a visit so it's actually nice to have something to cross of my list for today.

While I've been through every possible emotion the last few weeks, I am not devastated by the news. I never expected this to work the first or even second month...I'm thinking long term. And honestly, it feels good to be out of limbo.

Bring on the margaritas!

I Hereby Ban Handy Manny

Me: What are you doing?
Him: Measuring your tushie. It's ten inches thousand.

Oh for Fucks Sake**

A MEDICAL INSURANCE BULLSHIT VENT

This week we got a bill and an insurance statement for IF related blood tests that the useless OB wannabe RE sent me for January 2nd. Insurance was billed May 14th.

Insurance is paying nothing. We are being told to pay $95.02 (full charge $253) after insurance discount, which will be applied to our deductible.

Deductible? For blood tests? (We have copays and coinsurance, neither of which is what they are asking for.)

Here's the gist:

The blood tests were ordered as part of a routine medical exam by an in-network doctor. (Routine = nonemergent, I asked.) Blood tests in this case, these exact tests, are covered 100%, no deductible, no copay, no coinsurance if you go (in-network) to an "independent lab" not located inside the doctor's office. The lab I was sent to was "independent" and "in-network" located in an adjacent building in the same medical complex and is privately owned. We will call them ABC Labs. They also have additional locations all over town.*

But the won't cover it. They say we have a $100 deductible, and once that has been met, they will cover 80%.

Insurance agrees that the tests would have been covered 100% if we had been to an "independent" lab. They agree that ABC Lab is "independent" and "in-network" but a different kind of "independent" yet still in-network. The difference? They can't explain other than to say it would have been covered if I'd been to any other independent lab, which includes *other ABC Labs around town.

J went to an ABC Lab, different location, for his SA because it was closer to work. It was covered at 100%.

"Are ABC Labs a franchise? Is that the problem?"
"What's a franchise?"

"Okay, so I will be having more blood work done this week as part of an IF workup. I want to make sure I go to the place that will cost me the least out-of-pocket in the long run."
"Of course! Will it be part of a routine medical exam?"
"I'm seeing an RE. These tests are being done for IF reasons. It's nonemergent. You tell me."
"I'm afraid I can't answer that."
"May I speak to a supervisor?"
"I am a supervisor."
"Can I speak to your supervisor?"
"I don't have one."

It's not the money, it's the ridiculousness.

But really, why should I be surprised? Last week I was on the phone with our insurance company numerous times trying to find out who is a "preferred vendor" for IF meds down the road. Because while they agree they will cover IF meds if we use the correct vendor until we reach (a very piddly might cover an IUI or two unmedicated) lifetime IF max, they can't tell us who. And just so we're clear, by "preferred vendor" we're talking about a mail order drug supplier, so it doesn't have to be a local pharmacy because local pharmacies don't carry IF meds.

And so I say again, oh for fucks sake.


**After posting this I came across another IF blogger who had used this same title last week. Crap. It wasn't intentional, but probably in my head. Sadly, it's not the first time I've gone to write something and found that some one else in a small circle of bloggers had already covered it. So much for my having original thoughts...

3 Doors Down

Over the weekend I was visiting with my friend C at her house just down the street and having a grand old time. After a few hours I finally got up the courage to ask if her 13 year old son might be available to watch the Cracker during our IUI even though we won't be able to give him much notice. Her hubby is a Paramedic and she does medical billing from home, which some how made it seem easier.

"I'll do it! I'll watch him!"

Turns out they are waiting to see the same RE. Imagine that.

We were both so thrilled to have someone to talk to that we spent the next few hours discussing everything. Her husband, P, was sitting with us and listening, but only came into the conversation a couple of times to ask things like "so have you ever made J do it while you still had the thermometer in your mouth?"

"Want to see something funny?"
"Always."
She looks P in the eyes and slowly says "cer-vi-cal mu-cus."
He instantly paled. "Oh God! You have to stop doing that! Ugh...yuck!"
"That's a neat trick!"
"You two are like the women on Sex and the City, except you talk about ovulating and gardening."

Captain Underpants

The other day I noticed that the Cracker had changed his underpants. There were two obvious signs:

1. They were on backwards, which happens a good 50% of the time these days, and
2. Instead of white with little airplanes he was now sporting solid red.

"Why did you change your underpants?"
"Ummm...ummm...ummm...they had water on them?"
"Uh huh. Where are they?"
"I hid them."
"Where?"
"In my woom."
"Where in your room?"
"Under the wocking chair. You know, the blue one?"
"Can you get them for me?"
"Sure!"
I follow him as he scampers off happy as can be. He lays down on the floor in front of the chair, takes a quick peek, and then gropes blindly. Voilà one pair of dinosaur underpants.
"Uh, these aren't the ones I was talking about. This morning you had on airplane underpants."
"Huh."
"Where are the ones with airplanes?"
"Lemme just think for a moment, okay? Hmmm...hmmm... I know! I hid them too!"
Behind his bed.

When the Cracker finishes peeing he always drips. First drips come approximately 10-15 seconds after the stop of flow, second set a good 30 seconds later, and then finally the third and final set no less than another 30 seconds later. J has tried to teach him to "shake it off" and the Ped says it's probably from being uncircumcised. Whatever the case, the Cracker is suddenly far too excited to get back to what he was doing before his potty break to wait for that third final set of drips.

Over the weekend he changed his drippy pee underwear 17 times. He's so good about taking care of business on his own now that we don't even think about the fact that he's slipped away until we hear a flush, at which point it's too late.

After everything we went through with PTing, DPU doesn't send me into a frenzy like it would have 2 years ago, and I'm *thrilled* that he finally prefers clean drawers when not all that long ago he was perfectly happy to sit in poop all day long.

As my Dad points out, at least he's not ashamed to tell me where they are. That is good. I'll point out that I'm glad while he's smart enough to hide them, he's not smart enough to realize how ratting himself out negates the whole point of hiding them in the first place.

Lots of positives here.

Warp Speed

Yesterday, bright and early, we had our first visit with the RE.

After discussing all of our test results and history, his main concern was viscosity just as it had been with useless OB wanna be RE. While he agreed that morphology and motility are low, he told us that he wasn't concerned since the overall count was good and we had gotten pregnant before. (No hamster eggs for us.) Based on the above, he suggested that he was leaning IUI and felt our chances were very good. Above average good. Cool. He did ask that I repeat the CD #2-3 tests (FSH and friends) since those test results seem to have disappeared from the OB's office. I will also get a chromosome analysis done at the same time to see if there are any obvious answers to my sucky m/c rate.

Woo hoo...vaginal ultrasound time. Right ovary had 7-8 follies, 3-4 on the left. (CD #5.) It was all happening so fast that while I heard him mention "a few cysts, but that's okay" it didn't register enough to ask any questions. Nor did I get any measurements on the follies, though I'm not even sure measurements this early in a cycle would mean anything anyway. As far as he could tell, my ovaries and whatever else are looking really good. (Tubes, of course, can't be seen this way, so who knows.) No signs of ageing beyond my years, which I was relieved to hear since early menstruation and early menopause run in my family.

Are you familiar with OPKs? Yes. We recommend Clear Blue because... Yes. But not the monitor. Yes. Have you charted before? Yes. Today is CD #5? Yes. What day do get a positive OPK? CD #13. Alright, let's do an IUI next week. Let's start with two or three rounds unmedicated. If that doesn't work, we'll try meds for a few months. If you still haven't conceived, then we will reevaluate.

WHAT? IUI NEXT WEEK???

Next week.

Oh, you mean, like, next cycle.

No, next week. You are set to ovulate next week, aren't you? (Flips through my chart and nods. Yes, his short term memory is intact.)

Yes...but this next week?

Yes.

Next week. I'm sorry, I'm not hearing you correctly. You said next week?

Yes.

Should we see a Urologist first?

It's up to you. We have a great one right here in town who I highly recommend who specializes in IF, but I feel confident based on your case that this is the next step.

What about repeating the SA? Shouldn't repeat the SA first?

Again, that's up to you.

What about the CD #2-3 blood tests? Should I do those first?

No. Next cycle is fine.

IUI next week.

Yes.

Ummm...do I have to?


Yes, I actually asked if I had to. Not once, not twice, but at least a half dozen times, even after he'd left us in the care of his nurse, who very nicely reminded me that their job is to get me pregnant, but that we would proceed when I was comfortable.

Because mentally I was back on long term TTC thinking. Meet him, spend a few months running more tests, wait a few months to get into the Urologist as a new patient, maybe actually decide on a plan in 3 or 4 or 6 months. Out of all the scenarios I'd been running in my head there was ever a next week one. Hell, since filling out the paperwork a few months ago when I'd been a friggin saint, I *just* started drinking a cup of caffeine most days again, just started getting lazy about taking prenatal vitamins, just started having the occasional glass of wine after the 2ww was over. The good girl crap was getting old.

False hope? Scam? No, the dude's got an excellent rep: this clinic, which he started when there were only a handful in the entire country, was one of the pioneers of IVF in the early 80s. He's been featured as one of the best by reputable sources, sources we've all heard of. His IVF rates are well above national averages. And he's local, which is just freaky, since we live where we do which is not a major city.

And I feel like an ass, because of course we're going to do it next week. Or at least we plan to unless we get there and are told we should cancel. I just needed a little bit of time to process it all. Because, seriously, suddenly there's a real plan: a plan that starts next week.

Little Love Notes

J Style

Whose vacation is it anyway?

I was awoken far too early this morning when my eyelids were forcibly opened.

"Mommy? I want to do somefing."
"It's still dark out."

And so began our first day of summer vacation.

Preschool resumes August 17th. Only 56 more weekdays to go.