28 Signs of Aging

Inspired by the fact that I will be half way through 28 tomorrow

1) Run around the house hourly turning off lights

2) Worry about saving for retirement

3) Replaced credit card debt with a mortgage and car payment which leads me to

4) Own 2 unquestionably reliable cars and

5) No longer budget half of our income for towing and unexpected repairs (AAA actually threatened to drop us for abusing their "unlimited towing")

6) Stopped getting pulled over for looking too young to operate a motor vehicle by myself (age 23)

7) Finally enjoy the fact that I look years younger than my actual age (thanks Mom for the genes!) not to mention

8) No longer get carded for R rated movies (through age 25) but

9) Missed my opportunity to be featured in Dateline NBC's "Babies Having Babies" and

10) Too old to even be considered as an extra on MTV (pretty sure I'll live)

11) Occasionally watch America's Funniest Home Videos even when Cracker isn't in the room

12) Would rather have a subscription to the Wall Street Journal than People Magazine

13) If I don't get to watch the local weather report at least once a day watch me go all ape on your ass

14) Let's do our drinking at my house or yours. Bars are SOOOOOO expensive!

15) Drink only when entertaining or being entertained

16) Love to share my medical horror stories (not related to childbirth or binge drinking)

17) Missing: 1 gallbladder and

18) My girlfriends have started showing me their age spots

19) Finally resigned to the fact that I'll never be a size zer0 again (it's been 15 years afterall)

20) 18 months of showing everyone my boobs (aka breastfeeding) has made me my most uninhibited self ever, but NOBODY wants to see my goodies

21) Ever seen anyone over the age of 12 and under the age of 30 wearing Crocs? Me neither.

22) America's favorite summertime shoe, the flip flop: wear them for 3 hours, back stiff the next day. 5 hours? Can't get out of bed.

23) Sleeping anywhere other than in a bed = excruciating pain

24) Worry about teenagers moving onto my street and keeping me up at night.

25) Occasionally feel an urge to slap and/or duct tape the mouths of teenage girls like this*

26) Top text messaging speed: 1 word per 5 minutes

27) If I spill, oh, let's say JAM on my sheets right before bed I will get up and change them instead of picking up the chunks and putting scotch tape over the wet stain and then not washing them for another few weeks.**

28) High school reunion this summer


*Yes, this is me, shortly before my 16th birthday. Anyone have a time machine so I can go back and tell myself what an asshole I am? Considering that there is less than an hour of me on video between the ages of 3 and 25 and I managed to find this in the first five minutes, you get my point. And no, there was no orgy. (Don't know what's up with the audio lag...it looked fine when I downloaded it.)

**I was roommates with Everybodywantstoseehernakedgirl, who bounced around in sports bras and daisy dukes even on those rare occasions she was outside of the gym. I became notorious in a dorm of 500 for being Everybodywantstoseehernakedgirl's crazy roommate with the scotch tape fetish. Yup, that's me. University of Colorado, 1996-7. Guess I'm no longer ANON.