Tuesday, June 13, 2006

This Whole Summer Thing Is Really Starting to Piss Me Off

Ugh. I am a slug. Even with all the shades closed and no opening of doors allowed the house hit 99 yesterday by 6pm. So as far as cooking inside and laundry goes I am officially on strike; only the coffee pot and the TV and are allowed to be turned on before 9pm. As I went to stick a Tubbie tape in for the Cracker this morning the local news had the regional map up. Even with the mute on, I could still see the word "hot" in big fat letters sprawled across the entire state. This is me, bitching and moaning.

To escape the heat, last Saturday I suggested that we take the Cracker to the mountains for a little baby hike and nature lesson. The heat had also gotten to J enough that he didn't even put up a fight. Off to the mountains we go!

When we finally got up there (taking the super duper long way around because extreme fire danger has closed the road up right near our house) it was an amazing 61 degrees. Totally worth the 1/4 tank of gas it took to get there in back in the SUV.

We used to hike up there every week Spring through Fall, but we've been really lazy lately since our neighborhood is also a great place to walk. Our last trip to the mountains was on the way to the pumpkin patch in October. Bad parents! We need to start going again.

As great as it was, it was also a little sad. Our favorite trail head was mysteriously set ablaze a few weeks back, prompting a closure of almost the entire ranger district. Even in areas not yet touched by fire this season, the dryness was more than apparent. I'd say that about 1/3 of the evergreen trees were totally brown. I stopped to chat with a ranger who said that as soon as we get 3 inches of rain everything will reopen, which at this point means winter.

As always, the mountains provided a great learning experience unmatched here in the 'hood. First order of business was to find a place to picnic. We had just sat down when a little caterpillar came out to mooch. The Cracker wasn't all that impressed, even though I couldn't stop yelling "look at all the legs! Do you see how many legs that sucker has?" We finished up and set out on a hike.

Almost immediately we ran into a gazillion butterflies, which ignored us enough to let the Cracker get really close. He has now decided that butterflies eat flowers. Whatever. He doesn't get the bee nectar thing either.

Further along we ran into a grasshopper. Okay, now we had someone's attention. Poor J was in charge of tracking it down, pointing it out, then making it jump again. The Cracker was hysterical. He couldn't stop laughing and peed his big boy pants. This was good for a 1/2 hour of entertainment. We finally moved on when J's back was too sore to keep stooping.

J and I were prepared to let the grasshoppers be the highlight of the day, but along came a ginormous pile o'poo right in the middle of the trail. It was either from the world's largest dog who drops it like a cow, or I don't even want to know. The pile was a nice, fresh stinker and we smelled it long before we could even see it. Blech! And, the highlight part...millions of flies had found it before us. Nice, fresh and with flies...the Cracker was delighted! J was disgusted. I was breathing through my mouth trying to let him have a moment of awe before pulling him away.

We also played with pinecones, moss, sap, and walking sticks. Near the end of the hike I made the mistake on showing him some exposed roots and giving him a little lesson. That too was amazing, and J cursed me all the way back to the car as our little seed pointed out every root for no less than a quarter mile. You know, because walking with a tired toddler uphill isn't slow enough already.

By the time we were done, the Cracker, who didn't want to leave, couldn't even stand let alone walk. The little legs were just totally worn out. Mission accomplished!

After having a wonderful educational Saturday, we gave ourselves permission Sunday to laze around the house and do nothing. The highlight of our day was a thoughtful debate on whether or not Ann Coulter had always been that nuts or if she's recently had a breakdown. Still undecided.


I was going to wait until I could show you a picture but that's not going to happen for at least another week. Know where we were a week ago Sunday? Church? No. Having lunch at Costco? Good guess, but no.

We took our son to the tattoo parlor to watch Daddy get inked. Who says we don't have family values?

J had been planning on it for a while now, but I gave him a little push by reminding him to make an appointment with the artist. Gotta have the sucker healed before my high school reunion in August.

You see, I find tatts on a man sexy. As long as they don't say or have a picture of someone's mom, Jesus or anything inspired by a Big Johnson t-shirt I'm down.

It's very cool, just a little bigger than I had anticipated. J is thrilled with it. The Cracker couldn't care less. It's just started the peeling stage now...ewww...so a picture will have to wait.


New Cracker words and phrases over the weekend:

Me...and mommy...go...play...gasshoppers! Joomph! Joomph! NOW MOMMEEEE! Mommy joomph too! (In this heat I can only jump around for a few minutes. I suck at playing grasshoppers.)

Wake up! Eyes open! Hi-dee! (Has decided that Mommy sitting means mommy is naping. Not true. Peels my eyelids back even though they are already 90% open. That's a bad touch.)

Meatballs! (From singing "On Top of Spaghetti" He tried a meatball last winter and hated it.)

Me go ow-side and play! (My response: It's too hot.) No mommy, is snow-ging ow-side, snow-ging ow-side NOW! Not hot! Is cold! Seeeeee snow?(FYI No. It's on the brink of 100.)

And the one that made us laugh...picks up the phone to talk to my mom: "Hi Nana. Buy me more gucks (trucks)."

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