Monday, June 26, 2006

I learned something new today

Do you know what a leader hose is? Not lederhosen, but a leader hose?

Over the weekend I finally broke down and bought a hose reel thingamajiggy so that instead of just throwing the front yard hose down where I used it last I could wind it up all nice and tidy. I've been putting off this purchase forever, simply because I wanted the cheapest thing possible. What would have cheapest would have been a little wall mounted thing, but our house is stucco, so that would have been an ordeal.* Since I'd already had to buy a new hose last week because the other one (again, cheapest I could find = mistake) got a big gaping hole in it right where it attaches to the house, I figured I'd try to get this hose to last longer than a year by buying it a little hose house.

Yes, rolling up the hose after use is my most recent attempt at curb appeal. Don't you want to be my neighbor?

The next morning I haul the sucker out. J follows me outside to watch.

I carry it over to the spigot and put it down. I unwrap all the packaging, including the little four foot hose that came with it. Hands full, I start heading towards the trash.

J: What are you doing?
Me: Throwing this stuff away.
J: The hose too?
Me: Yeah. I thought about saving it, but what are we going to do with a little piece of sample hose?
J: A what?
Me: Uh, the sample hose? (Duh.)
J: Honey, that's not a sample.
Me: Sure it is.
J: No, it's not.
Me: It's just a little piece to help you envision what your own hose is going to look like on the reel.
J: No.
Me: Yes.
J: No.
Me: Yes.
J: No.
Me: Honey, what the hell else is a 4 foot section of hose good for? Of course it's a sample!
J: Uh, no. You use it to attach the reel to the house, and then your own hose to the reel.
Me: That's stupid. Let's just toss it.
J: No! Here, let me show you.
(My modern woman Who needs a man? self steps aside as J comes over to put it together.)
J: See?
Me: I don't see why we need to do it that way. Why not just attach it to the house directly? The new hose has this cool little reinforced sleeve so that it won't kink at the spigot. It's from Costco.
(In my world, everything from Costco is primo quality. If it's from Costco, you know it's good.)
J: Because it will get stuck, like this, when you try to wind it up.
(10 seconds of silence)
Me: But they don't match.
J: What?
Me: The big hose is light green, but the little one is dark green.
Me: They don't match.
J: Are you freakin kidding me???
Me: Fine. Whatever. We'll do it your way this time.

*Home improvement life lesson learned in 2001: you CANNOT hammer into stucco. I was full of holiday cheer that year, and trying to attach Christmas lights with finishing nails to the outside of our apartment in Hell. "Hey J, what am I doing wrong? Every time I try to pound a nail in the stucco falls off? In chunks!"

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